


The Other Half

by CrimsonDevola



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, Consensual Underage Sex, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt Tony Stark, M/M, Romantic Fluff, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-07-12 10:48:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19944925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrimsonDevola/pseuds/CrimsonDevola
Summary: When Tony was still young and naive, he once believed he’d always been the luckiest one. His life was like a fairy tale. Though he already had everything one could ever dream of, fate still blessed him even more with a soulmate, the most precious love there was. But… when he knew better, he would not consider himself lucky anymore. Life taught him so many lessons by just one twist of fate.This was the story of Tony Stark, the journey through happiness, sorrow, battles, and tears. The long road of being found, being broken, being a hero. But of all others, the only thing he truly wanted was to be with the other half of his soul.





	1. Fate

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> Soulmates AU is my most favorite trope. I love this trope so much and always want to write it.  
> Now, after both Endgame and Far From Home, my heart has been broken beyond repair ;_;  
> I really need a Starker soulmates story to heal myself, so I started writing this.  
> Feel free to tell me what you think :)

“Hiya! My neighbor! I’m Pete. Nice to meet you!”

“Oh hi there, I’m Tony.”

_When Tony was fifteen, the first page of his fairy tale began with a greeting from the boy who had the brightest smile._

The boy got off his bicycle, left it on a small road and ran to Tony. Looking rather nervous as he stopped in front of him.

Up close, Tony was a little dumbfounded, because this boy was so pretty. Fluffy brown hair and milky skin, small frame, innocent eyes, cute smile... Tony quickly averted his eyes when he realized he’d been staring too much. He was about to say something, but Pete beat him to it.

“Umm… I’m new here, have just moved in. It seems not many people live around here. It’s so quiet.”

“Yeah,” Tony nodded, agreed. “It’s a lonely neighborhood.”

“Very much lonely,” the boy pouted. “I’m glad I found someone my age. I’m looking for a friend. I hope we can be friends, umm… if you wouldn’t mind.” He bounced on his toes nervously, gripping at the hem of his shirt.

Tony smiled, “it’s my pleasure to have such a lovely friend.”

The boy went all pink. Tony held out his hand. It’s rare for him to be the one who offered friendship. He had never let anyone get close to him easily. But he really wanted to know this boy more.

Pete shyly accepted Tony’s hand. But the moment their hands touched, they both startled. An intense spark shot through Tony’s body.

“Wha…?!” he gasped and doubled over, clutching at his chest.

It didn’t hurt. Not the unpleasant feeling or pain, it’s just kind of weird. Tony hissed as the feeling spread all over his skin. He stumbled forward and fell against Pete. His knees gave up, dragging Pete down to the ground with him. His skin tingled all over before the feeling intensified on his chest. It burned, and now Tony was afraid it’s going to really hurt him.

But it stopped as fast as when it happened. Tony panted and blinked. His vision went all blurry for a moment. When he could focus again and look up, he saw the shock expression on Pete’s face. It seemed he wasn’t the only one who experienced these strange feelings. Pete cradled his torso as if in pain, then he pulled the hem of his shirt up to see what happened.

Tony stared incredulously at Pete’s skin. There, on the left side of his abdomen, just above the waistline of his pants, the skin turned angry red. He could see the veins pulsing underneath, the black line slowly appeared, forming a circle shape.

Tony was speechless as he witnessed the whole thing. This thing didn’t happen often. But he knew what it was. Everyone knew what it was.

_Soulmark_

Pete’s brown eyes met Tony’s. And oh… it was the loveliest shade of brown Tony had ever seen. For a few seconds, Tony didn’t know how to react. Until his brain finally functioned and came up with the fact, that soulmark only appeared when the person touched their other half for the first time.

It was hard to believe. Tony didn’t think he would be that lucky.

He unbuttoned his shirt awkwardly with shaky hands. Looking at his chest for confirmation. And there it was, a fresh, weird mark engraved into his skin too, on the left side of his chest where he was sure nothing had been there before.

“Oh…”

Tony muttered the only word his sheer shocked brain could form. His gaze turned back to the pretty boy in front of him.

It seemed they couldn’t be just friends.

They were meant to be more than that.

They were soulmates.

Tony didn’t know how long they sat there and stared dumbly at each other. Pete’s mouth fell open. Making him looked adorably ridiculous Tony’s heart melted at the sight. It’s good not many people lived around this area. If someone walked by and see two boys sitting on the ground in their trance, with Tony’s unbuttoned shirt, people would have so many questions.

_At the age of fifteen, fate had brought his other half to him._

_At the age of fifteen, Tony became whole._

***********************************

Anthony Edward Stark had always been an extraordinary person. He was born into a wealthy family. He had a brain of a genius, with an appearance which made many girls crave to fall at his feet. Everything about him was remarkable.

As a fifteen-year-old, Tony was still young, but old enough to know that fairy tale wasn’t real. There was no god, no mysterious deities who rule the destiny of men. But now he had a second thought about that.

He started to believe that maybe, if the thread of fate had been spun by the three goddesses as the myth said, they must be very fond of him. That was the reason why they blessed him with a fortune that most people could only dream of.

His life was like a fairy tale. It wasn’t too much to say that now. He had everything one would ever need. He was the luckiest prince charming in the modern world. Because other than the castle and the gold, he also had the most precious love there was.

The prince had already found his destined princess.

*

“Hey Pete, you like spiders? Do you want to be an arachnologist or something?”

Tony asked the boy who sat beside him. They were in Tony’s bedroom, hand in hand, and so deeply in love even though they had just met a week ago.

Tony was shirtless, wearing only his jeans. He preferred to show off his soulmark, as much as preferred to see Pete blushing hard when he glanced at Tony’s bare chest. Tony absentmindedly ran his fingertips along the line of the mark on his skin. It was in the shape of a spider web.

“Arachnologist?” Pete laughed softly and shook his head. “No, I’ve never thought about that. I’m not afraid of spiders, but I don’t like them either. I have no idea how your mark relates to me.”

Pete lifted his shirt to look at the mark on his skin. It’s a strange circle symbol that Tony still couldn’t figure out what it was. Perhaps some kind of… hmm… wheel? He could only guess.

“I think you also don’t know what this means to you, right?” Pete asked. His brows knitted together. If neither of them understood the meaning of their marks, maybe something was amiss.

“Does it matter?”

Tony asked with a smile. Pete’s frown deepened.

Because yeah… it mattered. Soulmark always held important meaning, something related to the other half of their soul. Naturally, they should know what it meant.

But Tony didn’t care. For him, the only thing that mattered was that they found each other. Nothing should make them less happy about it. They were still young and might not know the meaning of their mysterious symbols now, but he believed they would, in time.

He smiled and squeezed Pete’s smaller hand, brought it to his mouth and kissed each knuckle. When he placed that hand on his chest, above the spider web mark, Pete curiously touched it. The sensation made Tony shiver. It felt like the softest feathers caressed his body all over. The feelings both amazed him and aroused him.

Ever since the moment his soulmark appeared. It also changed the way Tony saw this world. As if everything around him became brighter than before. Many emotions he’d never known flooded his mind. Life was a true wonder and more beautiful when he imagined that from now on, he would share the rest of his life with his soulmate.

Tony reached out to touch Pete’s mark, stroked over it softly. A little whimper slipped out of that pink lips. Pete blushed beautifully. That way Tony knew his touch affected Pete the same way.

Their lips met. Tony kissed the love of his life for the first time. And after he had a taste of him, Tony couldn’t think of anything else. He wanted more, wanted to touch every place he could lay his hands on.

They fell on Tony’s bed, arms around each other. Pete moaned sweetly when Tony pressed his hips against him. They were both virgins, and the movement was awkward rather than hot. But it felt so good to have this first experience together.

“Babe, I want you,” he whispered against Pete’s lips.

“Want you too.”

Pete sounded so breathless. Tony hurriedly got rid of their clothes. They touched, kissed, and explored each other’s bodies like hungry teens they were. Pete was soft everywhere, so soft under Tony’s hands. And the taste of him was so sweet under his tongue.

Tony got a bit nervous as he knelt between Pete’s spread legs, staring at the tight little hole. He knew how to have sex with men, but had never paid much attention to the details. He wasn’t even into men before he met Pete. Did the first time being penetrated hurt? He didn’t even prepare a proper lube for this, so he scrambled out of bed to grab a lotion and hoped it would do.

Pete flinched when Tony’s finger breached his hole. Tony tried to be as gentle as possible, getting his lover wet and open for him. Pete closed his eyes, hands pulled at the bedsheets. He was red all over, biting his lips to hold back his voice as Tony fingered him.

His soulmate was so beautiful like this. Just looking at him and his pretty cock, hard and leaking several drops onto his belly, almost made Tony come untouched.

He wasn’t sure if it’s enough. But when he could put three fingers inside, he felt impatient and didn’t want to wait any longer.

Excitement and concern blended together when he lined his cock against his lover’s entrance. Pete looked so small, so delicate. Tony was afraid he would hurt him. He pushed in slowly and gently. But Pete was so tight and he couldn’t relax when Tony told him to.

Tony stroked Pete’s cock, thinking that the pleasure would distract him. But it seemed to be too much when Pete suddenly came all over them. Tony was only halfway in. He tried a few experimental thrusts but his lover was so hot inside and squeezing him hard. It felt really good and also very overwhelming. He could hold on for like five more seconds, before he lost it and came with a groan. Their coupling ended before it even properly started.

*

They lay shoulder to shoulder on rumpled bedsheets. Bodies covered in the sticky mess. Silence loomed over them for a while until they turned to face each other. Their eyes met and Pete began to giggle uncontrollably, Tony laughed with him too. It’s very embarrassing to come too fast like that. But they couldn’t help it though. This was their first time after all.

“Sorry, that wasn’t an impressive performance. I’m gonna make it better for you next time.”

Tony promised as he gathered his soulmate into his arms. Pete smiled and pecked him on the lips.

“It’s perfect, Tony. Because you’re perfect.”

“I’m not. It’s you, Pete, you are the perfect one. I’m so lucky you are my soulmate.”

“Nah… the lucky person is me. Tony, look at you, you’re the most handsome boy I’ve ever met. God, your eyes are so beautiful I can’t stop looking at them. You know, I think you could be a movie star.”

Pete’s hand cradled his face. Tony nuzzled into it. He loved the way Pete stared at him, dreamy eyes practically twinkled with so much affection.

“Really? I already have a plan to be an engineer. I love building things. But I'll change that if you want me to be a movie star.”

“Hmm…” Pete gazed thoughtfully at him, and frowned. “If you become a movie star, lots of people would surely fall in love with you. I don’t like that.”

Tony laughed, “I’m gonna stick to my original plan then.”

He rubbed their noses together. Pete smiled and kissed him, tender and sweet.

They both drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms.

***********************************


	2. Flaw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for this chapter >> homophobia from parents

Tony forgot to lock the door.

When Howard and Maria, Tony’s parents, came back home the next morning, they strode into Tony’s room to drag his lazy ass out of bed. They never had respect for his privacy anyway. But this time, no one prepared to see things they shouldn’t have seen.

Both of his parents stood stunned at the doorframe, staring with wide eyes at the sight of their only son, naked, making out with another naked boy in bed.

“What the hell!!!” Howard yelled.

Tony quickly untangled their limbs. He covered Pete with a blanket and grabbed his own pants from the floor. He put it on and stood between his parents and Pete. Trying to protect the smaller boy from his dad’s anger.

And to say Howard was angry would be far from the truth. From the look on his red face, his father was furious. Tony gulped and turned to his mother for help, but she stood still as a statue, looking pale and shocked, while her husband shouted at the two boys.

“What do you think you’re doing, Tony? Who is this kid?” he glared at Pete. Making Pete cowered in fear.

“Dad, please calm down and listen to me. His name is Pete. And we’re soulmates. Dad, he is my soulmate.”

Howard scoffed, “no lie, son. I have no time to deal with your nonsense.”

“I’m telling you the truth! Look, we have marks.”

Tony showed them his soulmark, and hoped they would understand. But he was wrong. It seemed to fuel the rage even more.

“No! Tony, no, no, no, you can’t be gay! Just don’t embarrass me like this! It’s disgusting!” his father spat.

“There must be something wrong,” Maria spoke up for the first time since she came into the room. “Tony, your soulmate shouldn’t have been a boy.”

Tony was more than shocked at what he heard. Their disgust was visible in their eyes as they looked between Tony and Pete. It was like a stab through Tony’s heart. It hurt so much and he was so confused. Why his mom and dad weren’t happy for him? He had never known that his parents were homophobic.

Pete remained silent the whole time. He only kept his head down. And then Howard did the terrible thing.

“You little whore,” he addressed Pete. “I’ll pay you as much as you want. Just get out of my house, get out of my son’s life and never bother him again.”

This time, the most furious one in the room wasn’t Howard anymore.

“HOW DARE YOU FUCKING SAY THAT TO MY SOULMATE!!!” Tony shouted. He gathered Pete into his arms as his lover started to cry.

“Don’t raise your voice to me! Have you ever thought about what people will say behind my back when they know my son is gay? They’ll laugh at me! This shit reputation will ruin my company. You are supposed to be my perfect son and I won’t let this little faggot drag you down!”

Tony stared at his father with so much disappointment. He turned his gaze to his mother and she averted her eyes away. Anger left him all at once, leaving only pain behind. He had just realized what kind of person his parents really were. The kind that worried about their business more than the happiness of their own son.

“Fine, if you don’t want a gay son, then I won’t be your son anymore.”

***********************************

Tony walked out of his home with just a backpack full of clothes and his lover by his side. They headed to Pete’s house. Tony was going to stay there until he figured out what to do after all this mess.

He didn’t care much about himself or how his family broke apart within mere minutes. He only cared about Pete’s feelings. Tony spent hours reassuring his soulmate with all the loving words he could think of. Pete was very upset by how Howard and Maria acted toward them.

“Tony… I’m so sorry.”

“Babe, it’s not your fault. I love you. It doesn’t matter what they think about us.”

“I want to be with you. They will separate us. Tony, I’m scared.”

“I’ll never let that happen. I’ll never let them take you away from me.”

Tony held him close and ran his hand soothingly along his lover’s back. Pete was sobbing on his chest. Honestly, Tony wanted to cry too. He loved his mom and dad. And the way their eyes shone with repulsion hurt Tony more than anything. He had just found his lifetime happiness, but his parents saw it as a flaw in their perfect appearance.

Tony had known all along, they wanted a son who would make them proud. He’d never failed them though, not even once. But no matter what he achieved, and he had achieved so much more than any fifteen-year-old could ever do, his dad was still cold to him anyway. Sometimes Tony doubted if his dad ever loved him. Tony shouldn’t be surprised things ended up like this. But his mother…

He loved his mom so much and thought she loved him too. But she didn’t even try to talk to him or stop him when he walked out of their house. Actually, his mother didn’t even look at him. As if she was ashamed of him.

“Everything is going to be alright for us.”

Tony whispered softly, telling both Pete and himself. He shed his tears before they had a chance to fall. It’s time to grow up now. He wasn’t all alone anymore. He had his other half to look after, crying like a child wouldn’t solve anything. Tony needed to think, to use his brain. Fixing things was his specialty. He was going to find the way.

***********************************

.

.

_Ever since a long time ago, for as long as men had walked the earth, soulmates had always been worshipped, cherished, and adored. They were the symbol of true love._

_Humans longed for the chance to have the marks of their own. People were born and grew up with the hope that they would meet their true match someday._

_But… unfortunately, having a soulmate wasn’t the common thing for all the people on this planet. The world full of soulmates sounded like a utopia, a perfect society in which everyone was happy. It would be wonderful if that happened._

_However, the statistics said otherwise. Only about ten percent of the population was lucky enough to find their mates. Scientists were still trying to figure out how the soulmates thing worked. There were so many theories being discussed all around. But maybe this question wasn’t meant for humans to be able to find an answer._

Tony closed the book he had been reading. He let his mind wandered as he crossed his arms on the dining table and lay his head on them. His gaze followed the other boy who shuffled around the kitchen preparing their dinner. Tony wanted to help though. But the last time he did, they had to throw away four plates of burnt food. So, they agreed it would be better for Tony to just sit down and wait.

Tony hummed, smiling. His eyes fixed at his lover’s cute, round butt. He couldn’t describe how much he was thankful for being among that lucky ten percent. Plus, he also found his soulmate early at the age of fifteen. They were so young and had an entire lifetime to spend together. Everything was a blessing. No matter what his parents might think.

“I know you’re staring at my ass.”

Pete said without turning back to look at him.

“Yeah, and I think you should wear an apron when you’re cooking, babe. I mean just an apron and nothing else.”

Tony chuckled amusingly, watching the tip of Pete’s ears turn red. His soulmate was definitely the cutest thing on earth.

***********************************

It was heart-wrenching to know that Pete’s parents weren’t better than Tony’s.

They were workaholics who dedicated all of their time to their works. Just two more ignorant adults who neglected their flesh and blood, who cared more about the growth rate of their company more than the heart and soul of their own child.

“Mom and dad moved here to start a new business. I don’t understand why they bought such a big house. They always stay at their office and rarely come back home. It’s just me living alone all the time,” Pete said with a shrug as if he didn’t care much, though his eyes were sad and hurt. “But it’s okay. I have you now,” he grinned.

“You will always have me.”

Tony smiled. He was even more grateful they had found each other. Let those annoying adults do whatever they wanted. He and Pete didn’t give a damn about them anymore.

Tony had been staying in Pete’s home for two weeks and had a chance to meet Pete’s parents just one time. They both had learned it the hard way from Tony’s mom and dad. And Pete wasn’t sure if his parents could accept the romantic relationship between them. So they chose to lie. Pete introduced Tony to them as a friend.

They decided to tell no one they were soulmates, to prevent the complication that would likely follow. It saddened them both to hide. But it seemed this was the only way for them to be together. They wouldn’t risk anyone trying to separate them just because they weren’t a normal boy and girl couple.

Tony finally figured out what he was going to do with his life. They were in the middle of summer break. At least they had more time to stay close before Tony had to leave for a while. Pete didn’t know yet that Tony already finished high school and was about to go to MIT. When he told his lover about his plan, Pete’s jaw dropped in shock.

“What?? I… I thought you’re the same age as I am.”

“Of course, we’re the same age. I’m really fifteen.”

“How can you graduate from school and go to MIT at fifteen?”

“Because I’m a genius,” Tony simply replied. Pete looked even more shocked at that. “You don’t know your soulmate is a genius?”

“H… how could I know? You never tell me,” the boy pouted, brows furrowed in confusion.

Tony frowned as well, “have you ever heard anything about me before we met?”

Pete shook his head.

“Ah…” he sighed. “I’m sorry, sweetie. I just assumed you already knew all about me. People around me seem to know me even better than what I know about myself,” Tony said apologetically. He was too familiar with being a famous kid. As the only son of Howard Stark, it’s rather unusual for him to find someone who didn’t know who he was.

But Pete’s clueless face made his heart swell. It felt good to know his soulmate loved him as Tony, just a Tony, not as the sole heir of Stark.

“You don’t know what you get yourself into, huh?”

Tony smirked. Then he told his lover all about himself. Pete turned paler and paler with every little detail he revealed. And when Tony finished, Pete looked like he was about to faint.

“So, love, now you know who I am. This is gonna be our plan. I’ll go to MIT and I think it’ll take me two years to graduate. After that, I’ll come back to New York and start my own business. We’ll be together. I promise you’ll never have to worry about anything ever again, cause I’ll take care of you. I’ll take care of everything for you.”

Pete stared at him, amazement and a hint of uncertainty mixed in those beautiful eyes. Tony’s soulmate was just a normal kid, and a big plan for their future might sound impossible for him. Tony assured Pete with his confident smile. He was Tony Stark. And when Tony Stark wanted something, he would surely get it. All that he wanted now was a life in which they were happy together.

“Would you be alright, sweetie? We have to be apart for two years. But I’m gonna come visit you as often as I can.”

Pete nodded, “yeah, I… I’ll wait for you.”

Tony pulled him into his arms, kissed him on the cheek and then passionately on the lips. He knew Pete didn’t want to be left alone. But it’s for the best. They could just run away now. But that meant quitting school for Pete. Tony didn’t think that was going to make anything easier for them. Howard would get angrier. And Tony would not let his dad blame Pete for being a bad influence on him.

Tony wanted to build a great life. Pete would stand tall and proud beside him. They were going to become the most successful both in life and in love, so much so that everyone envied them.

But when he told Pete all about that. His lover backed away from Tony and cowered into himself.

“What’s wrong, babe?”

“I… it’s just… you’re so perfect. How could you be so perfect? I understand what your dad was trying to say now. I don’t think I deserve you. You’re totally out of my league.”

Tony would have none of that. He pulled his soulmate back where he belonged, gave him another loving kiss. Tony’s arms held tight around the smaller body, and if he could, he would never let him go.

“I’m totally yours,” Tony looked right into Pete’s brown eyes. “It’s written on our skin. You are mine and I am yours. Nothing can change that. Don’t let what my dad said enter your mind. Just know that I love you and only you.”

“I love you too. I love you so much,” Pete told him with teary eyes.

Tony pressed his forehead against Pete’s, smiling.

“Then don’t worry, sweetheart. Soulmates deserve to be happy together forever.”

***********************************


	3. Fear

It was very normal for Pete to live alone in a big house. Pete told him that. Even before he and his parents moved to New York, it had always been this way. His parents didn’t hire any housemaid because Pete asked them not to. He would like to do all the clean-up and cooking by himself. Having something to do helped him a lot. It kept him busy and made him forget all the loneliness. That was why he was so good at cooking.

As they learned more and more about each other, Tony could tell they were a perfect match. Pete was a smart boy, not as smart as Tony but still above average. When Tony found out Pete had the same interest in science, they chatted for days about nerdy topics. Tony was so impressed and so happy. He had never met anyone who could follow him when he talked about science before.

His soulmate was pretty, smart, kind, and could cook like a pro. Tony wondered if it’s possible to fall in love over and over again when he had been so deeply in love already. They were so compatible. They filled the void in each other’s life so well. Something in the depth of his heart told him that this was it, this was how soulmates supposed to be.

Pete was the right one for him, the only one Tony would cherish and love for the rest of his life.

Pete’s parents preferred to stay at their office. They thought driving back home at night just to go out in the morning again took too much of their precious time. So they decided to never come home at all. Such a brilliant solution to the problem. Tony sarcastically thought. He disliked them already for the way they raised their sweet son.

But oh… there was the bright side of this situation, because the whole house completely belonged to them all the time. No one was here to disturb them. And that meant they could have sex on every flat surface without fear of being caught.

They were young and super horny and in love. It wasn’t a surprise they spent every opportunity chasing pleasure. Sex got better and better for them as they explored each other’s bodies with care. Learning how or where to touch, which way to do it to make them both feel good.

*

Tony stared meaningfully at his soulmate as the boy walked out of the bathroom freshly clean. Pete looked up to meet his predatory gaze and winced like a little prey who knew he was already in trouble. His grip on the towel around his waist tightened.

“W... what?”

Pete stuttered when Tony strode toward him. Tony just smirked. He lifted his lover into his arms only to drop him down on their bed. They fought for a minute. Giggles rang around the room as Tony tried to pull the annoying towel away but Pete held onto it for dear life.

“Tony! You pervert!”

The poor boy who was now naked squeaked. Tony grinned triumphantly, throwing away the piece of cloth and doing the thing he so loved to do. Which was kneeling with Pete’s legs around his head while he swallowed him whole.

Whines and moans replaced their playful laughter. Pete had a cute little cock that Tony could take him to the root without worrying about gag reflex. So he did, occasionally sucked at the head and licked up the underside of his cock. Pete tugged at Tony’s hair as a warning, but he refused to let him out of his mouth until Pete came down his throat with his sweet, breathy cry.

Afterward, Tony cradled Pete in his arms, caressed his boneless body lovingly.

“You’re so beautiful, my love, the most beautiful thing in the whole world.”

He whispered endearments while watching Pete’s dazed eyes. Pete looked like he was drunk in love, dreamy and happy, smiling so sweetly at him.

Tony let his lover recover on the bed and took his turn showering. He thought Pete might fall asleep. But when he finished and emerged from the bathroom naked, Pete was still up. More than that, he was already hard again. Brown eyes looked right into Tony’s, begging, pleading to be loved. And when Pete spread his legs as an invitation, Tony almost jumped at him.

Pete’s body language wasn’t seductive. It’s shy and timid. The boy still had a long way to learn how to seduce. But nothing could turn Tony on like his beautiful soulmate lying there for him, bare and begged for his love.

When they kissed, it’s deep and slow. There’s no need to rush. They had all night, all lifetime. Tony put his lips on every part of his lover’s body, and never forgot to murmur ‘I love you’ repeatedly like a mantra.

As he looked up at Pete’s face and saw him cry, he didn’t panic over the wet eyes, or the tears rolling down those red cheeks, because Pete was smiling. Sometimes they just loved each other so much the feelings had to burst out some way. He knew that, because he felt the same.

Tony slowly stretched his lover’s entrance, spreading lube all over his sensitive hole, making sure Pete would not feel any pain. But Pete was the one who became impatient first. He pulled Tony up to lay on top of him and whined.

“Please, please, I need you now.”

Tony nudged his leaking head at the tight little hole and pushed in. They moaned into each other’s mouths as he began thrusting. Pete wasn’t afraid anymore. He knew now that he could have Tony inside him without pain, and that sex could be so fantastic and pleasurable if he was relaxed.

The boy wrapped his legs around Tony’s waist. He took everything Tony gave him and begged for more. They held each other tight, never ever wanted to let go. Hips moving together in a smooth and sweet rhythm.

When they were close, Tony’s hand placed over Pete’s soulmark. Pete’s hand also caressed the mark on Tony’s chest. The touch on their marks intensified the pleasure, raised it up to the highest degree. They came at the same time. Pete made a mess on their bellies. Tony released his seed deep inside him.

Tony panted as he lay on top of Pete. His lover didn’t complain about the weight that pressed down on him. Instead, he kissed Tony’s temple and mumbled.

“Love you, my Tony.”

Tony smiled. He knew he was still young and there must be so many lessons waiting for him to learn. But surely he would never find anything that could make him happy like he was at this moment.

***********************************

Time flew too fast for Tony’s liking. When the end of the summer break was near, Maria finally came to visit Tony at Pete’s home.

She looked calm. Or maybe his mother had learned how to keep her emotion inside and not to show it in front of her son. She asked about his well-being like a caring mother. But Tony saw through it, how she tried to focus on him and never once spared a glance at the boy who sat beside him.

That bothered Tony. He didn’t like the way his mom ignored Pete, as if his beloved soulmate never existed in her eyes. But Tony kept his anger inside. He would not quarrel with her when Pete was also here. The kind-hearted boy would be upset if mother and son fought because of him.

Tony told her he still wanted to go to MIT. And the relief on her face let him know why she was here. She didn’t worry about him. She was just afraid he would drop out of college.

“Tony, there’s one thing I and your father ask of you. If you want to be in a relationship with this boy, we know we can’t stop you. But please, keep it secret.”

Tony gritted his teeth, but he nodded. 

After his mother left, they both still sat silently on a couch, lost in their own thoughts. Then Pete grabbed Tony’s hand. He turned and saw Pete’s lips quiver. Pete looked at him with sad eyes, asking for reassurance without a word.

Tony moved to kneel before him, holding both smaller hands firmly in his.

“Just two years, sweetie. Two years that we have to endure this. Then I promise life will be ours.”

Pete let out a small smile. And that’s all Tony needed. He would do anything to protect this smile. His parents’ approval meant nothing. He had found his life purpose. He was not a child who craved for mommy and daddy’s attention anymore.

Tony wanted to grow up, to be a man who could protect his soulmate, to be a shoulder for Pete to lean on. For all of his life, everything Tony did was only to satisfy his mother and father. But not anymore, from now on, everything would be for Pete and Pete alone.

***********************************

When the day came, the day he had to leave Pete’s home, Tony experienced a weird feeling. The one he’d never had before.

_Fear_

Tony Stark had never feared for anything. But as he put his clothes into his backpack, he felt something cold envelop his heart. His whole body shuddered and he had to take a deep breath to steady himself.

He rushed to his feet and ran downstairs to find his soulmate. Pete was in the living room, looking out the window with heartbroken expression. After months of sleeping next to each other every night, it’s hard to go back to a lonely bed. But they had to. Even if it was against their nature. They were soulmates, and soulmates needed to be together. The separation wasn’t good for them and could put them under a lot of stress.

Tony walked to Pete and took him into his arms. Pete quietly cried for a moment, hid his face against Tony’s neck. But he tried to keep his heartbreak in control, stifled his sob and then he looked up at Tony with a smile, though his eyes were still red and puffy.

“You ready?”

Pete asked. Tony wanted to say that he would never be ready to leave him. But to make it easier for both of them, he just nodded.

When Tony walked through the front door, that feeling came back again. It felt as if a freezing hand wrapped around his insides and squeezed hard. He stopped in his tracks, confused.

Why? Why did he fear to leave? He was just going to college. There’s nothing scary about that. They would be back together in no time. Then why?

_Don’t go…_

A small voice in his head whispered to him. He ignored it, thinking he was just hearing things. He took a step forward and stopped again. Pete was still standing at the door, watching him leave. Tony could feel the weight of his gaze on his back. He wanted to turn to give him one last smile. But he couldn’t. They already said their goodbyes. If Tony looked at his lover’s face right now, he knew all of his willpower would completely crumble.

So, with an ache in his heart, he walked away.

***********************************


	4. Fall

Tony’s first semester went on smoothly. He didn’t enjoy his college life much. Each day felt so dull and lonely without Pete by his side. But he tried to focus on his study. While other students were making friends and having fun, he read and worked on his assignments nonstop day and night. Because the sooner he graduated, the sooner he could go back to be with his love.

It’s quite hard to make friends on the campus anyway, because Tony was younger than all of his classmates. But he met a guy named James Rhodes, who preferred to be called Rhodey. The guy was nice and they got along well.

Some girls who didn’t seem to be bothered by Tony’s age still approached him though. Because a rich boy who was also a genius sounded tempting enough. They flirted openly with him. The old Tony before he met Pete might flirt back, but not this neck-deep in love Tony. He just ignored them, turning them down not so gently, making it clear he wasn’t interested.

He kept his distance from women, because they could be annoying sometimes. And also from some boys who came after him because of his fame. They were a pain in the ass, too eager to be on Tony’s radar. As if Tony wouldn’t know all that they wanted from him was just a connection with Stark Industries.

Which meant except for Rhodey, he avoided being too close with almost everyone. He didn’t want anything to distract him from his study. This made people see him as a cold and arrogant nerd. He cared not, just shrugged it off because he had no time for this nonsense.

*

“Did you meet any hot girl there?”

Pete asked him when they talked through phone one evening.

“Oh Pete, no one here is as hot as you. I only have eyes for you and your sexy ass,” Tony laughed softly, even without seeing, he knew his lover was blushing hard. “How was your day? I miss you so much, babe.”

“My day was super boring without you. I miss you too, Tony. Wanna kiss you.”

Pete sent a kiss through the phone. Tony let out a silly smile and sent a kiss back.

“It’s hard to sleep without you. I don’t like sleeping alone. My bed feels so cold,” Tony sighed.

“Dream about me. Maybe that would make it easier for you to fall asleep.”

“Hmm… I can’t promise it will be decent. I don’t know what am I gonna do to you, even in the dream,” he teased.

Pete giggled, “I give you permission to do whatever you want. In the dream or when we meet next time.”

Tony groaned. He wanted to fly to his lover’s bedroom right now.

“Until we meet again, take good care of yourself, okay? I love you so much, sweetie.”

“Don’t worry, I’m doing fine here. I’m waiting for you, Tony. Love you too.”

Tony had been smiling for hours after they talked.

He made sure to keep in touch and call Pete every day. His lover always sounded sweet and encouraging. Tony needed to hear the voice that lulled him to sleep at night and made him smile throughout the day. It kept him going.

The thought of his soulmate gave him promises of love and lifetime happiness. At this moment, Tony’s mind was so full of hopes, dreams, and purpose to fulfill. When most of the people around him still struggled to find what they would do with their lives, Tony already knew what he wanted and was flying straight to his goal.

He didn’t think anything could change the wonderful future he would have with his soulmate.

***********************************

Until a twist of fate arrived…

.

.

.

_‘Tony!!!’_

He startled awake in the middle of the night. Someone screamed his name. He strained his ears but couldn’t hear anything in the silence of his dorm room.

Tony panicked as he tried to get up. Something was wrong with his body. A thick textbook he read before he fell asleep was still on his chest. But now its weight felt like a heavy rock trapping him under. He couldn’t move, couldn’t even breathe.

Fear gripped his heart. He suddenly felt cold and was shaking all over. He closed his eyes to concentrate, trying to control his limbs, but the most he could do was digging his fingers into the bedsheet. It felt as if he was stuck inside a body that didn’t feel like his, a body that wouldn’t do as he commanded. Tony didn’t know what happened to him. He struggled, wanted to cry out for help. But no sound left his mouth when he tried.

Out of nowhere, pain spread across his body. He thought he was going to die. He couldn’t breathe, and now everything hurt.

His body twitched painfully, out of his control. Tony tried one more time to get himself up. Maybe crawling to the door so someone could see him and help him. But he fell off the bed, hit his head hard against the floor. He lay there, helpless. His breath was short and rapid but no air seemed to reach his lungs, as if he was suffocated by an invisible rope. Every second that went on felt like endless torture.

Tears slipped from his eyes. His vision began to blur around the edges from the lack of oxygen. The last thing he felt was extreme pain around his neck before he fell unconscious. 

***********************************

_Someone is crying…_

_Who?_

.

.

.

“Tony?”

“Tony, can you hear us?”

Tony slowly blinked his eyes open.

He felt like his body had been beaten and then dragged through the desert. His throat was sore and dry. But the worst feeling came from somewhere deep inside him. It didn’t feel right. Nothing felt right, as if he had misplaced something but didn’t even know what that thing was.

And this room was so white it hurt his eyes. He took a minute to figure out he was lying in bed, a hospital bed. He heard someone sob at his left and turned to look. The movement made him groan because his neck ached terribly.

“Mom?”

“Oh my god, Tony, you’re finally awake.”

Tony frowned. His mother was here. Her face was wet with tears. His father stood behind her with the cold expression as always. But in his eyes, Tony could see a hint of worry there.

“What happened?”

He asked in a rough and hoarse voice that seemed to startle his mom into action. She grabbed a glass of water and placed a straw in his mouth. Tony took a sip slowly.

No one answered him. So he asked again.

“What happened to me?”

This time his dad spoke up, because his mom still tried to collect herself and didn’t seem to be able to talk.

“You’d been in a coma for three days, Tony. Nobody knows what happened. Not a single soul here could figure out what to do to wake you up, even after I yelled right at each of their stupid faces,” he said angrily, it’s obvious he was still mad.

Oh… those poor hospital staff, Tony pitied them.

A doctor came in to check on him. Tony still felt so tired. He just lay there and let him do his job. He answered some questions. The doctor informed him that his classmate came to his dorm room because he didn’t go to class that day. Tony was found unconscious on the floor, barely breathing.

No one knew what happened to him. The doctor asked if he drank something that night, or did he do drugs. He said no. Even swore to his parents that he would never do things like that, but they still eyed him suspiciously.

Lucky for him, the doctor confirmed all of his blood test results were normal. He knew Tony was clean, just had to ask to make sure. His mother let out a relieved sigh.

When the doctor left and there were just the three of them in the room again. Tony only had one thing in mind right now. He asked his mom.

“Can I call Pete?”

She hesitated, glancing at her husband.

“Come on, it’s just a call, mom, he must be worried I haven’t called him for three days. I miss him. I want to hear his voice.”

Howard grudgingly nodded at his wife. Tony smiled as she got up and walked to the phone on a desk nearby. He told her the number and waited.

“Sorry, dear, no one picks up the phone,” she said after a while.

Tony’s heart sank. He asked her to try again. She did, but still no answer.

“Can you go to his home and bring him here?” Tony knew that was too much to ask. His father was about to say no, but Tony begged, “please, dad, no one has to know who he is. They would think he is just a friend. Please, I really need to see him.”

Maybe it was because Tony had never begged them for anything, or because he had just woken up from a coma and they almost lost him. But it worked and seemed to soften his dad’s heart a little.

Howard sighed, looking very annoyed but he told his wife, “I’ll go to pick the boy up. You stay with Tony.”

Maria shook her head. “I don’t think so. You would scare him off. Stay here. I’ll go.”

After she left, Howard sat down on a chair beside Tony’s bed, crossing his arms.

They didn’t talk, but that was alright. Some uneasy feeling still bothered Tony but he smiled, knowing he was going to see his soulmate soon. He slipped back to sleep in no time.

***********************************

When Tony woke up again, his father wasn’t there. He was all alone in the room. Heavy curtains covered all the window, but he could still tell it’s dark outside.

Tony didn’t know how long he had slept. He tried to think again about the weird incident that happened to him. Was it some kind of illness? The attempt to figure it out only hurt his head further. Nothing about him seemed to function well at this moment.

He fell into a cycle of falling asleep and waking up many times before he started to feel better and could sit up on his own. It must be at least two days since his mother left. Why she took so long? He asked the nurse when she brought him his meal, but they said they didn’t know. His parents didn’t leave any message for him.

Nothing he could do. He had to wait patiently. The wrong sensation in him grew stronger. He didn’t want to think about it, just hoped it would fade away when he saw his soulmate.

*

His mom and dad finally came back that night. Tony greeted them with a wide smile, but it faltered as he tried to look behind them and didn’t see the boy he was waiting for.

“Where is Pete?”

No one answered him. They only looked at each other with a strange expression.

Tony lost all his patience. He threw the blanket away and got out of bed, he would shake the answer out of them if he could. But right now, even his own weight seemed to be too much for his legs to carry. He wobbled. His father caught him before he hit the floor.

He thought Howard was going to scold him as he always did when Tony acted like a petulant child. But to his surprise, his dad just sighed and helped him back to bed without a word. Howard even petted Tony’s head. There was something in his father’s eyes. Tony didn’t know if he misread thing. But was that pity?

Why the hell would Howard pity him?

A minute passed, and all that his parents did was just staring at each other. As if making a silent war about who was going to be the one who spoke first.

“Could any of you just tell me what the fuck happened? Why Pete doesn’t come with you?”

Tony voice started to lace with anger. But when no one chided him for his rude word, dread took place in his heart. Whatever happened, it wasn’t good.

“Mom...? Dad...?”

“My dear, listen,” Maria was the one who spoke, her voice sweet and slow as if Tony was a small child who was unable to understand things clearly. She took both of Tony’s hands and gave a firm squeeze. “I have bad news. I went to his house, but it became a crime scene. No one lives there anymore and it took us some time to know what happened. And I’m sorry, honey. We are so sorry. The boy, Pete, he… he’s dead.”

“What???”

***********************************


	5. Farewell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for leaving you all hanging. This chapter would explain more about what happened in the previous one.
> 
> *****Warnings for the chapter*****  
> Implied Rape/Violence  
> Suicidal Thoughts

Tony didn’t believe them.

He refused to believe anything his parents said. This must have been some wicked trick to try to separate him from Pete.

“Stop! Stop lying to me!” he screamed at them.

Howard let out a long sigh before handed a newspaper to Tony. Reluctantly, Tony took it. A front-page headline caught his eyes.

_The murder of a fifteen-year-old boy._

Tony quickly read through the article. It was about a frightening crime that had just happened in New York. A young boy was found dead in his own house. The boy’s mother came back home in the morning and saw her son’s lifeless body in the living room. Someone sneaked into the house in the middle of the night and attacked the boy who was all alone at that time. The evidence showed that the poor boy was raped and strangled to death. The police were still searching for the culprit.

Tony threw the paper away as though it burned his hands. He was trembling like a leaf, shaking his head in denial.

“It’s not true. That can’t be Pete. Why did you lie to me? WHY?!!!” he shouted at his parents.

The news didn’t reveal the name of the victim, so Tony refused to believe. But his tears fell and he was choking with sobs. Deep down he knew, his father might be an asshole, but he would never be cruel enough to lie to Tony about this.

Tony cried into his hands. It couldn’t be true. He needed Pete. He couldn’t lose his soulmate like this

Maria tried to comfort him. But nothing would make him feel better. Tony abruptly jumped out of bed and ran to the door. He had to get out of this fucking hospital. He needed to find Pete. Maybe Pete was still alive out there, waiting for Tony to save him.

His dad rushed after him and held him in his tight grip.

“LET ME GO!!!” Tony screamed at the top of his lungs.

“Tony! Son! You have to calm down!”

He tried to fight, to push his dad away, but he was too weak. His world had just crashed down on him. The pain was too much to bear.

He ended up crying in his father arms until he blacked out.

***********************************

_‘It’s not true…’_

Tony repeated that over and over in his head. He had hidden under the covers and wept for hours. It’s hard to believe something like this had happened to him, to Pete. Life seemed to be so perfect for them at one moment. But now, without his soulmate, Tony had nothing left to live for.

He finally understood the weird feeling that had been bothering him ever since he first came to. He couldn’t put a name to it before, but it’s obvious now.

_Emptiness_

Something important was missing from where it used to be, because his heart had been torn out of him, leaving a gaping wound behind. He was bleeding inside. It hurt. Every breath he took hurt so much.

In the middle of the night, Tony slowly emerged from under his blanket. The room was quiet. His father had been gone for a while. Howard was the busiest businessman with countless works to tend to. Now that he was sure Tony wasn’t dying, it’s impossible for him to stay by his side all the time.

His mother was still here though. She’s sleeping on a couch, looking exhausted and disheveled. Tony should have felt guilty for making her so tired and so sad. But he was numb right now, unable to feel anything but immense pain. He couldn’t accept that he would never see Pete again. He needed to find the truth, needed to know what the hell happened to them.

Tony silently slipped out of the room. He walked outside and it didn’t take long to spot his mother’s car in the hospital parking lot. He didn’t have the car key but that wasn’t a problem for him. Just messing with the wires and two minutes later, Tony drove out of there.

Without even knowing where to go or what to do, Tony drove in full speed. He let his instinct lead him to the right directions. As he used to do that day.

The day when he felt the unusual urge to go out for a walk. And he did go out even though he didn’t like walking around his neighborhood. Something was calling for him and he curiously followed it. He let that invisible string pull him to the place he was meant to be.

That was the day he found Pete.

Now he just did the same. His mind was totally blank but his body functioned automatically as he followed the pull.

Tony had read about it. All those special things some soulmates were capable of, if the bond between them was strong enough. Some could even send their feelings through the bond. So he tried. He thought about Pete and directed all the love, reassurance, and consolation to the image of his lover in his mind, in the hope his feelings might reach the other side of their bond, in the hope Pete might still be there and know that Tony was on his way to him.

*

After hours of driving all the way back to New York, he finally stopped the car near some building and got out.

The pull brought him to another hospital. He looked around and grimaced. Comforting himself that maybe Pete had been injured and was still recovering.

Tony concentrated on the feeling that guided him. He sneaked inside.

His heart dropped when he stumbled downstairs to the basement. He knew where he was heading now. He was forced to admit what was waiting for him behind closed door. His legs shook and it took all of his willpower to not fall apart right there on the empty hallway which led to the morgue. He was far from stupid. He only stubbornly denied everything because the truth hurt too much. Now he couldn’t keep lying to himself anymore.

Tony pushed the door open and stepped into the morgue. The room was so cold and almost empty, except for one body bag lying peacefully on a table. He limped to it and slowly unzipped the bag with trembling hands.

There, the body in the bag was definitely Pete. No way to mistake him for someone else especially with that soulmark on his waist.

Pete, his sweet soulmate, his beautiful lover, lay there looking like he was just sleeping. Tony wished none of this was true. Maybe it’s just a nightmare, maybe he could wake his princess up with a kiss. He placed a soft kiss on Pete’s lips.

“Your prince charming is here, sleeping beauty. It’s time to wake up,” he whispered.

But nothing could change the truth that Pete was dead. He’s gone, forever.

No visible wound, no blood, but the single dark purple line around Pete’s neck told Tony what took his love away from him. The murderer strangled Pete with a rope. Tony couldn’t stop the tears that fell from his eyes as he caressed his lover’s cheek. Pete’s skin was freezing cold.

“I’m sorry, my love. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left you alone. We should’ve just run away together and this would not happen to you. It’s my fault. You are mine to protect but I fail you.”

Tony fell to his knees and screamed all the pain out. Wave after wave of anguished cries racked him. His whole body shook uncontrollably when he remembered the agony Pete had to suffer before he died. Tony experienced it himself. Everything he felt that night came from Pete. The pain slipped through their bond because his soulmate called out to him, probably crying for help.

Only fragments of it put Tony in a coma. He didn’t want to imagine what Pete had been through. He couldn’t stand the thoughts of someone raping and hurting his sweetheart. But he couldn’t get rid of that image. He could even hear Pete scream in pain and fear, the voice echoed in Tony’s head.

What kind of a terrible soulmate he was? He left his other half alone. He was such a useless man who couldn’t protect the only love of his life.

It’s Tony’s fault that his soulmate died in agony. He would never forgive himself for this.

It’s on him.

_It’s all on him._

***********************************

“Tony, please… stop acting this way.”

Maria sighed and put a tray of food down on Tony’s bedside table.

Tony turned away from her and pulled the blanket over his head. He felt his bed dip a little as his mother sat down. She tried to coax him out of his cocoon.

“Come on, dear, you haven’t eaten anything for days. I made your favorite cheeseburgers. Want to try some?”

She let out another pain sigh when she saw Tony’s tear-stained face under the blanket.

“Listen, Tony, I’m sorry you have to go through this. But you’re a smart and handsome boy. You’re still young and having a bright future ahead of you. You’ll meet lots of new people along the way and finally find someone else. This is not the end of the world.”

“Mom, you don’t understand.”

“I do. Believe me, I really do. I know how losing someone dear to you feels like. You just have to stay strong and get through it.”

Tony shook his head tiredly.

“You don’t have a soulmate. You’ll never know what it feels like.”

She went quiet after that. And Tony preferred the silence between them more than those words she thought were the words of consolation, when in fact it’s like a knife deepened the wound in him.

_‘This is not the end of the world.’_

Yes, not the end of her world, or Howard’s world. But for Tony, it was. His whole world shattered to pieces, along with his heart, his soul.

They didn’t understand him. His mother tried though, but she would never be able to understand. His father had tried for a while, but he lost his sympathy so fast. Howard was busy and stressed over his attempt to prevent Stark’s name from getting involved in the case. He scolded Tony about the stupid thing he did. Asking if Tony realized how many strings he had to pull to cover for why his son sneaked into the morgue and was found sobbing over a dead body.

Howard did it so well to cover things up. No one mentioned about the mark on the victim’s body. People were oblivious to the fact that the poor boy had a soulmate who mourned his death.

He didn’t do it for Tony. Howard was just trying to protect his own reputation. If he even cared about his son, he would have at least said he was sorry, that he was wrong for acting as though Tony having a soulmate was a curse to their family.

Tony wondered what had happened to people’s admiration for soulmates. Weren’t they the symbol of love anymore these days?

In the book he had read, it said that losing their other half was the most tragic fate that sometimes fell down upon an unfortunate soul. And those who lost their soulmate mostly ended up committing suicide not long after. Tony got it now, why they chose that path.

He didn’t even feel like a human being anymore. He was so empty. And if he had to live on like this, dying and following his love to the realm of death sounded much sweeter.

The only person that halted his hand from taking his own life was his mother. She loved him. He couldn’t do that to her. Howard loved him too if Tony was being honest. He saw how much shaken they both were when he woke up after three days of being comatose.

They loved him. They just couldn’t accept that Tony was bound to another boy. Maybe things would have been a different story if Pete had been a girl.

But that wasn’t Pete’s fault, not at all. It was because Tony didn’t deserve an angel like Pete. That must be the reason why Pete had been taken away from him so soon.

“Mom…”

He broke the silence. His mother looked at him with a soft smile.

“Yes, dear?”

“Can I go to his funeral?”

Her smile quickly faded. Of course, the answer was no, but she stared at him with her sad eyes for a moment before giving a nod.

“Your father can’t know about this, okay? I promise I’ll find the way.”

“Thank you.”

“I love you, my son. I hope you know that,” she kissed his forehead.

“Love you too, mom.”

***********************************

Maria kept her promise. She made sure her husband’s busy schedule had brought him to the other side of the country. On the day the funeral was held, she took Tony to the graveyard.

But Tony couldn’t officially attend Pete’s funeral. Howard worked so hard to keep his name out of this. And Tony obeyed just because it wouldn’t make anything better if he jumped out now and caused a scene.

Tony stayed in the car and watched the funeral from afar. He saw Pete’s father hold his wife as she cried. Tony cried too, but he had no loving arms to hold him anymore. Tears wetted his cheeks, his breath fogged the car window. When they buried the casket, buried his other half under the cold ground, Tony felt like every bit of his already broken soul shatter even more. He was dead inside and would never be whole again.

He wanted to say something, some final words people said to the deceased. But he couldn’t give a farewell for good to his soulmate, not now, not ever.

He knew he would never be able to let go, would never accept the reality that didn’t have his soulmate in it.

Tony could only send a whisper through tears and hoped Pete might hear him.

“Sweetie, please come back to me…” 

***********************************


	6. Fire

For three months, Tony had locked himself in his bedroom, grieving, drowning in tears. He barely ate and lost several pounds. He looked like a zombie.

Maria was worried sick. But Howard was disappointed that his only son had sunk so low. He refused to talk to Tony if Tony still behaved like this. Maria wanted Tony to see a therapist. Tony declined even though she promised she would find the best one for him.

“If they can’t bring my soulmate back, they can’t help me.”

He would say that every time his mother convinced him to give them a chance to try. Ironically, Tony was as stubborn as his father. So she could do nothing to change his mind.

The atmosphere in their house was so tense. Things went on like that. Until the stress took its toll on his mother and she fell ill.

Tony rushed to her room after a housemaid told him his mom fainted. Guilt hit him hard when he saw her lying in her bed, looking thin and ashen. His father was also there, wiping the sweat off her forehead with a damp cloth. Howard glared at him.

“See what you’ve done to your mother.”

His voice laced with anger. Maria’s hand gripped firmly on her husband’s arm to stop him from standing up and shouting at Tony. Tony looked away, feeling ashamed of himself.

He stayed by her side, taking care of his mom until she regained her health. Tony loved her and didn’t want to see her in pain. Their family had already been broken beyond repair. He couldn’t break his mother too.

She wanted him to live his life, to move on.

So he did, for her.

***********************************

After months of investigation, the man who murdered Pete had finally been arrested. It turned out he was a burglar whose first intention was to steal some money, but changed his mind when he saw a pretty boy living all alone in the house.

For his crime, the judge sentenced him to life imprisonment.

Eventually, the case was closed and faded away from society. People forgot about the poor boy and shifted their attention to another calamity that popped up on the news.

Pete’s parents moved out of the country to somewhere in Europe. That was the last thing Tony heard about them. They tried to live on too, starting a new life in a new home, despite the trauma of losing their only son.

Tony went back to MIT. And to explain his absence, he told people there he had just recovered from a serious illness. No one asked further question because he still looked sick and unwell. Rhodey was happy to see him again. Tony never told Rhodey or anyone at all about what had happened.

He tried to live for his mother. He made new friends, faked his smile, laughed when he had to. His routine repeated in a dreadful pattern, spending his day studying, and his night crying. He still missed Pete every day. But no one needed to know that. He would not let people see his pain.

Tony played the role of a charming young man perfectly. The role that everyone wanted to see. He was a genius after all. And deceiving people wasn’t that hard.

***********************************

Years passed by, there was not a single day of his life that Tony didn’t think about his soulmate. Time didn’t heal anything. It only made the pain tolerable. He was doing fine though, fine but not happy. He didn’t know what happiness felt like anymore. But that wasn’t necessary. He didn’t have to be happy to make his mother happy.

After he graduated at the top of his class, he began to help his father taking care of family business at Stark Industries. He shined in the spotlight with his brilliant brain. Howard had been so proud of his son. Which was why they both were back on good term now. His father seemed to forget about what happened years ago. Everyone seemed to easily forget.

Except for Tony.

Tony still cried a lot whenever the loneliness became too much to bear. He just carefully chose to collapse and turn into a sobbing mess only in the privacy of his bedroom wall, where no one could hear or see him.

Sometimes his broken mind conjured up hallucinations. He often saw Pete on his bed, naked and sleeping soundly, or smiling at him like an angel in the morning light. But when Tony blinked, the image would disappear.

Tony knew he should seek professional help for this kind of problem. But he would rather be haunted by the ghost of his long lost lover than having nothing at all. At least this way he could convince himself that one day when he opened his eyes, he would reach out and be able to touch those soft pink lips he loved so much once again.

***********************************

If Tony thought life had been cruel enough to him, it seemed he was wrong.

It could always get worse. He shouldn’t have underestimated the wickedness of fate. Tony learned it the hard way again when he turned twenty-one.

On a peaceful morning in December, he was lying on a couch listening to his mother’s singing. She was playing her favorite song ‘Try to Remember’ on the piano. Her beautiful voice almost lulled him to sleep. She stopped singing when his father stepped into the room. Tony longed to hear her voice for a little longer. But his parents were about to go out and he got up to see them both off, thinking it’s just a few days until they came back home again. He didn’t know this was the last time they were all going to be together.

Not long after that, Tony got a phone call which told him the shocking news. His mother and father died in a car crash.

Tony didn’t even have enough time to grieve properly. Because the situation that came after his parents’ death was such a chaos. Without its founder, Stark Industries was in a very vulnerable state.

For a brief moment, Tony thought this was it. This was the time for him to go too. He really had nothing left, no one to live for. His soulmate, his mom, his dad, they were all gone. He should follow them. Maybe setting up a scene, it wasn’t hard to commit suicide and make it look like an accident.

Then, he saw it, the ugly greed that shone in the eyes of people who wanted to claim everything Tony’s parents had built.

Obadiah Stane was temporarily in charge of the company during the time of change. Tony trusted Stane who was a good friend of his father. But he didn’t trust anyone else on the board of directors. They saw Tony as a spoiled brat and paid him no mind. They thought that without Howard, they could easily flick Tony off his father’s legacy. Tony might be a genius kid. But in a real world, in a war of money, no one assumed there was anything a young science freak could do against those experienced businessmen.

Oh… how Tony wanted to prove them wrong.

He decided this wasn’t the time. He couldn’t go, not yet, not until he got rid of all those greedy fuckers first. 

*

Stane stepped down and became Tony’s second-in-command. It didn’t take long for Tony to take over the company. With no hesitation, he kicked everyone he disliked out of his way. And he did it so well it was like a real slap in the face for anyone who used to underestimate him.

He became the youngest and the most successful CEO in history.

Tony offered a position in Stark Industries to Rhodey, but his friend was more interested in joining the military. Tony was fine with that.

After his achievement, Tony still felt unsatisfied, still felt bitter and angry. Even though no one was left to stand against him, he still got increasingly irritated by everything, sometimes with no reason. He hated this world, hated that he could have it all within his grasp but the one thing he needed the most was far beyond his reach.

Tony went back to Pete’s home. He had bought it since years ago. For one last time, he walked around the empty house looking back on the past. This place once was their love nest. But as it was also the place where Pete drew his final breath in pain. The tormented memory had tainted the blissful one. Tony wanted to destroy it, the thing that reminded him of what he lost.

So he burned the whole house down.

Tony watched as the building slowly crumbled in front of him. He stood close enough to feel the heat of fire against his skin. He had thought doing this might be able to quell his growing anger. But no, the raging fire in him seemed to burn even brighter.

***********************************

Tony was already a genius and a billionaire. It took no effort for him to earn himself one more title. The merchant of death was born.

He poured all of his time, resources, energy, and intellect into creating weapons. Selling them to anyone who wanted to buy. Adding more money to his pile while watching with glee as people used his creations to wage war on others.

Tony worked like a mad man. Bringing Stark Industries up to the top level, his company became the most successful advanced weapons and military technologies manufacturing. He reveled in seeing weapons that he built wreaking havoc all over the world.

Even though inventing new forms of weapons technology seemed to be his only interest, he also had another hobby that he took pleasure from.

A hobby which made people call him the heartless playboy, the title he wasn’t fond of. But he didn’t care about whatever name they would give him as long as he could achieve his purpose.

When his products destroyed lives, Tony used his charm to destroy hearts. He flirted with every woman who did as much as bashing an eye at him. All of them fell for him easily. He treated them well at first, made them happy, bought them all the expensive gifts they wanted, and fucked them the way they liked.

Then, he would toss them aside like a piece of trash. He really liked breaking their miserable hearts. Tony would have a smug smile on his face when he witnessed the moment their sweet dreams shatter. He enjoyed their tears, enjoyed seeing them try so hard to beg for his love.

His reputation was well known. But there would still be someone foolish enough to give Tony their whole heart, to let their hope up high in fault belief, that perhaps they might be special enough to change him.

The depth of their sheer stupidity always made Tony laugh.

Tony never hesitated to break people when he saw a chance. He felt no remorse for the tears on their faces. Contrarily, it was like sweet revenge for him. Focusing on inflicting pain upon others helped distracting him from his own pain. It made him feel better.

Or at least made it easier for him to deceive himself he was feeling better.

***********************************


	7. Forge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has come to the point where the story collides with canon.   
> I hope you guys like it. Please enjoy! :)

As the merchant of death, Tony sold the finest weapons to the worst kind of men. Because of that, he had gained more connections and finally got the right contact. He needed someone who could do a dirty job for him.

He hired people from an underground agency specializing in any kind of illegal works. He deemed it was long enough that the guy who hurt his soulmate had been held in confinement. That monster shouldn’t still be alive. His order was simple. He wanted them to snatch the monster out of prison.

They did exactly as Tony told them, leaving no trace behind, no evidence to lead back to him. They even made it look like the guy had escaped on his own. Their work was impressive. Of course, that was what Tony expected, considering the amount of money he paid.

In the night of justice, Tony stood alone deep within the woods, waiting for the time to get the job done. He wanted to finish the final process with his own hands. The full moon was riding high tonight, flooded his surroundings with its tender lights. Tony was glad. So the monster who took away Tony’s heart and soul could see his face clearly. The face of the executioner which would be the last thing he saw.

For when the bastard suffered in hell, Tony wanted him to remember who sent him down there.

Right on time, the sound of footsteps disturbed the silence of the woods. Two men in black leather suits brought Tony’s prey in and forced the guy who was shivering with fear to kneel in front of Tony.

“Here he is, Mr. Stark. You want us to finish him for you?”

“No, I’ll do it myself.”

“Hmm… May I ask what did this petty thug do to offend the great Tony Stark?” one of them questioned out of curiosity.

“He killed someone dear to me.”

They nodded and stepped back, already knew what Tony wanted to do when they saw a coil of rope that Tony brought with him. The guy who knelt between them pitifully begged for mercy but no one cared to listen.

Tony gripped a rope in his hands and stared right into those wide, watery eyes. He didn’t break eye contact even when he strangled the bastard. Tony needed to see life fade away from those eyes.

When the job was done, Tony walked out of the woods and disappeared into the darkness, back to his luxurious life. Leaving the two men behind to set up the scene. No one would have a clue about the nasty thing he had just done. If the cops found the body later and wondered why a prisoner broke out of jail just to hang himself on a tree, it would forever remain a mystery.

Tony was already responsible for so many lives that perished in the war because of the weapons he built. But this was the first time he really took life by his own hands. He realized that he wasn’t much different from the person he killed. To destroy one murderer, he had to become another murderer.

But he felt nothing about that. Nothing at all, no sympathy, no regret.

Just nothing.

***********************************

Time rolled like a rock that fell down from the top of a hill, too fast and unstoppable.

Tony couldn’t remember how many years had passed. His focus had been solely on his work. It was the only thing that kept him moving forward when he didn’t even know why he still struggled to live. He asked himself countless times what he was living for. But no decent answer came out.

Tony professionally wore his mask as a genius, billionaire, playboy, in front of the public eye. No one knew what was wrong within him. No one saw past the charming appearance that hid the festering wound inside. The wound that never healed. It’s still bleeding. In the private moment when nobody was around, the pain made Tony fall apart.

He worked harder to cope, to hold himself together. Tony felt like his sanity was slowly slipping away, and there was nothing he could do but worked harder. He never took a break from creating weapons. He was obsessed with finding the way to upgrade them, to make them more and more deadly.

Tony traveled to Afghanistan to show off the Jericho missile, his newest baby he was very proud to present. The demonstration of the destruction that it was capable of made something in him leap with delight. He couldn’t wait to see people use it to destroy one another. He wanted to see the world burn.

At that moment, Tony realized he didn’t know the man who was standing there anymore. He couldn’t recognize himself anymore.

But before Tony reached the point of no return, he was trapped and captured by the terrorists. 

*

Tony woke up in a cave, somewhere in Afghanistan, with severe injury on his chest that was going to kill him. He remembered the bomb exploded right beside him, the blast knocked him unconscious. It was a great insult that he almost died by his own weapon.

His captors tried to keep him alive to build the Jericho missile for them. A guy there saved him, he told Tony later that his name was Ho Yinsen. Yinsen attached an electromagnet and a car battery to Tony’s chest, preventing the shrapnel from entering his heart and killing him. Tony was impressed by his work, really, such a superb idea.

Tony wasn’t afraid to die. And it would be for the best if he accepted his end here. But he struggled for one last time just to defile fate. A man like him would never obediently play anyone’s game.

In that cave, with limited materials he could gather, he created a miniature arc reactor to save his own life. The harsh realization hit him the moment he delicately cradled the finished piece of it in his hands.

Tony fell to his knees. Tears poured down and heart beat fast in his aching chest. The meaning of his soulmate’s mysterious circle symbol was right here in front of him.

Pete’s soulmark was Tony’s arc reactor.

***********************************

His plan succeeded. He wore the armored suit he secretly built in the cave to escape from his captors. Not just escaping but he made the fucking terrorists’ base erupt in flame before he flew away. Though not much smoothly as he crashed in the desert later and his suit was destroyed. He wandered in the desert until Rhodey’s helicopter finally found him.

Tony survived but Yinsen didn’t make it. He felt bad that he couldn’t save Yinsen. Tony owed him his life and now he lost the chance to repay him. He could only hope the man peacefully reunited with his family in the afterlife as that was Yinsen’s last wish.

When Tony returned home, it felt as if he had died in that cave and a man who walked out of there was a different person.

After all the suffering life had bestowed upon him, Tony finally understood the meaning of the mark on his soulmate’s body. Sadly, his own mark was still a mystery. He was certain he would never find out what it meant.

His soulmate was gone forever. Who would be there to tell him about the meaning behind this little spider web on his chest?

Maybe, if Pete had been alive, he would have really grown up to be an arachnologist.

Tony laughed bitterly. Then, he wept.

***********************************

For the first time, Tony came to visit the graveyard where the love of his life was resting. After he was here to witness Pete’s family bury him, he had never come back again. But today, Tony felt like he’s brave enough, so here he was, dressed in his finest suit, standing in front of a headstone with a bouquet of red tulips in hands.

“Hello sweetie, it’s been a long time…”

His voice shook, and he had to adjust his tie because it was suddenly hard to breathe. Tony thought he was ready for this, but apparently, he wasn’t.

He fell silent. He didn’t know what to say or what he should tell Pete. There was no good thing happened to him after Pete died, not even a single one. Without his soulmate, Tony was nothing more than a hollow soul and his life became a tragedy.

Standing in front of an angel, every sin Tony had committed flashed through his mind. All the lives he took, the wars he caused, the killing machines he built and spread around the world. Guilt, remorse, shame, and a thousand of bad feelings overwhelmed him.

Pete was like an angel, the sweetest and purest soul. He would be disappointed if he had known what kind of man Tony had become. His sweetheart would never want Tony to walk down this path. The path that surely led him to hell.

Pete’s innocent smile still shined bright in his memories. And it made Tony regret everything he had done.

“My love... I’m sorry… for becoming someone who doesn’t deserve you.”

His hand trembled as he gently laid the flowers beside the headstone. Red tulips, they symbolized eternal love. He wished his message was sent through to wherever Pete was. That no matter what, no matter how long, Tony would love him always.

***********************************

Tony didn’t want to drift farther away from his soulmate. He didn’t want to become someone Pete couldn’t remember when they met again someday in the afterlife.

Tony needed to get rid of his own demon.

No more blood on his hands.

To everyone’s disbelief, Tony declared that from now on, Stark Industries would no longer manufacture military weapons. He turned his back to his old self. Buried the part of him that had been corrupted by sorrow into the deepest corner of his heart, where it wouldn't be able to see the daylight ever again. He wanted to be a better man. Wanted to become someone Pete could be proud of.

Holding to the memories of his lover for dear life. Drawing strength to carry on from the image of the other half of his soul. The image of a lovely boy that, no matter how long, would never fade away from his heart. Tony found another purpose in life. As long as he might live, he would devote all that he had to make up for everything he had done wrong.

Tony built more armors, making the design better than his first one, improving the movement and flight capability, and finally painting it in red and gold colors. He also had to change his arc reactor to the new one that was able to power the more advanced version of his suits. He kept the original arc reactor as his precious treasure.

With the Mark III armor, he flew to Afghanistan and took revenge on the group of terrorists who kidnapped him. He finally discovered that Obadiah Stane had turned against him and was behind his kidnapping. Stane had the remains of Tony’s Mark I suit that he left in the desert and used it to build another armor. It saddened him to see the man he used to trust reveal his true colors. The man whom Tony had known for so long and once was his father’s friend. But to stop the traitor, he had no choice, Tony had to fight Stane and killed him.

The incident caught public attention. News about the guy in an iron suit spread everywhere. Tony held a press conference where he was expected to state a lie, a cover story. But at that moment, Tony realized it was a chance to acquire himself another page of reputation, also another name. This time, it’s a name that would make Pete smile.

“The truth is…”

_“I am Iron Man.”_

***********************************


	8. Fracture

_  
_

_‘Proof that Tony Stark has a heart’_

Tony stared at the message on the gift Pepper left for him in his workshop. She put his first arc reactor in a display box and engraved those words on it. He knew she did that to tease him. It was just her humor. She didn’t know these words were exactly correct.

Tony held the display box in his hands with a sad smile. It’s true. His soulmate had this arc reactor mark on his skin. Pete was the only proof that Tony had a heart, or used to have a heart once though. Before that heart was cruelly ripped out of him. 

He wondered if he could be happy again, being a heartless man that he was now. Tony really wanted to be happy again, to be able to smile and laugh genuinely, without pretending, without the pain keeping him down.

And he saw hope in his personal assistant, Pepper Potts, who had been there by his side for a long time. Now that he put the sorrowful anger aside. His mind was clear for the first time after all these years. He had just noticed the way she looked at him. She even shed tears when he came back after being kidnapped. Tony thought he should give himself a chance with her.

He opened up to her and let her in.

Tony gave his old role to Pepper, making her the CEO of Stark Industries. So he could have more time for his new life, his newfound duty as Iron Man. And that was when another problem hit him.

He found out palladium that he used as the core for his arc reactor was slowly killing him, poisoning his blood. It threw him off balance for a while. But he struggled to find how to fix this. It felt so wrong to die this way. The arc reactor was sacred to him. It’s the mark on his soulmate’s body, the mark of love. He couldn’t let it be the thing that killed him.

Tony finally found the cure he was looking for in the hidden message his father had left for him, a diagram of a new element's atomic structure. He successfully created a new element to use as a replacement for palladium.

_‘This is the key to the future. I'm limited by the technology of my time, but one day you'll figure this out. And when you do… you will change the world.’_

_‘What is, and always will be my greatest creation... is you.’_

His dad talked to him through an old film. And it made him doubt, what Howard would have thought if he had seen what Tony had done, what he had become. His father had such high hopes for him, too high it put so much distance between them.

Thinking about the past only widened his old wounds. Tony put it out of his mind. He needed to focus on moving forward. He wasn’t just Tony Stark anymore. He was Iron Man. And Iron Man had lots of works to do.

***********************************

Tony dedicated all his time and energy upgrading his suits, making them better, stronger. Iron Man fought many battles. He did the best he could to be a better person, to help people in need, saving them, protecting them.

He didn’t think doing good deeds would erase his sins. People still had different opinions about him. Some liked him. Some even worshipped him. And some only had hatred toward him.

But that was alright. It’s fine. Tony never wanted anyone's forgiveness. He only did what he did to cherish the memories of his beloved soulmate.

Tony fell into a romantic relationship with Pepper. Their life together wasn't overly joyous, but it also wasn't bad either.

She was a kind and strong woman. She took care of everything for him, ran his company, dealt with the public and the press. She could be a mother hen if needed to. She was able to handle his stubborn ass, made sure he ate enough and rest well, woke him up when he had nightmares, and be a shoulder for him to lean on.

Pepper grounded him, offered him something to hold onto. Tony could move on without falling too deep into the darkness of his past because of her. And he was very much grateful for that.

But there was an obvious issue hovering between them. Something which Tony had been deliberately ignored.

He had never let anyone see him shirtless, including her. Pepper thought he just didn’t like people seeing the scars he got from his fights. When actually, he was just hiding his soulmark. Tony didn’t want to answer questions. And people would surely ask too many if they knew.

Pepper truly loved him with all her heart. He knew that. He could even feel it. But no matter how hard he tried. Tony couldn’t give back the same thing. She didn’t know her man wouldn’t be able to love her as much as she deserved. And that wasn’t fair for her.

Tony decided to tell her the truth. He revealed his mark and let her know about the soulmate he once had.

***********************************

By publicly announced his alter ego, he drew weird people into his life, both friends and foes. Including Nick Fury, the director of S.H.I.E.L.D. who wanted to form a team of earth defenders. It sounded ridiculous at first. But then Tony learned there were other individuals who possessed unique abilities.

Fury’s idea made more sense when the danger that threatened their planet appeared, in the form of the hostile maniac walking out of legend, Loki.

Tony joined the fight to save the world and met the people who he’s supposed to work with as a team. Started with Steve Rogers, the old-fashioned captain who spent almost seventy years as a Popsicle. Bruce Banner, the scientist who turned green when got angry. Tony liked Bruce. It’s fun to chat with the man as they seemed to be on the same wavelength and talk the same language. Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff came as a duo package, the greatest living marksman and the most talented spy. And the last one was the muscular alien from the outer space. For god's sake, Thor was just a powerful alien, Tony would never call that man a god.

As the battle began, Loki, Thor’s brother, adopted one though as Thor said, led the Chitauri army through a wormhole to invade New York. Tony fought alongside his fellow teammates. And they cooperated better than he had first thought. But the Chitauri never stopped coming. There were too many of them. To get out of this alive, they had to close the portal and keep those aliens away from earth.

But before they could, some idiot decided that sending a nuke and blowing up the city was a great way to win this fight. Tony didn’t hesitate when he took hold of a nuclear missile, flew through the portal and into space. He saw scary things out there. Things that could end the world and humanity with it.

He released the missile to destroy the massive spaceship and let himself fall back, with no expectation to survive. This was a sacrifice he was willing to make. Tony embraced it, his end, which would mean freedom. Deep down he felt relieved to finally be able to go. He would like to go to the place where his soulmate was waiting for him.

Unfortunately… he survived.

*

“Please tell me nobody kissed me.”

“Have you ever tried shawarma?”

Tony opened his eyes and instead of seeing his soulmate, he only saw his friends around him. He cracked a joke so no one would know he was crying inside.

***********************************

In the beginning, the attempt to put them on the same team seemed to go disastrously wrong. They only got on one another’s nerves, making it easier for Loki to manipulate them.

But friendship bloomed amidst the life and death situation.

And that’s how the Avengers arose.

Honestly, Tony still thought these people were annoying as fuck. But… whatever, companions were better than living alone.

Life felt less lonely when more friends stepped into it.

Tony found out he wasn't the only Avenger who had a soulmate. Clint also had one. But the archer's life was much luckier than Tony's. Clint and his soulmate, Laura, were already married and had beautiful children together.

When Tony came with the team to visit Clint's home for the first time, he was so overwhelmed by the intensity of their happiness. It’s too much for him, watching the soulmates living happily together, building a family, having a home filled with so much love he could even feel it linger in the air. Tony envied them and it’s hard to keep his emotions inside, to keep his face neutral.

He had to excuse himself from the dinner table, lying that his migraine made him need to lay down. They believed him and let him go because he was uncharacteristically quiet the whole evening while everyone was chatting and playing with the children.

At night, Tony silently wept as he stayed in the guest bedroom.

After that, whenever Clint invited him to that sweet house again, Tony always answered with an apology. Blaming his overly busy schedule or some emergency things that needed to be taken care of immediately. Even when the whole Avengers team went there for their little private party, Tony never joined them. He did as much as flying to the other part of the world just to evade their invitation.

Of course, he was happy for Clint. How could he not be happy that his friend had such a perfect, happy family?

It's just too painful for him to witness the blissful life he would never be able to have.

***********************************

In one sleepless night, Tony lay beside Pepper in their bed. He was wide awake and thought she had fallen asleep. But Pepper slowly turned to face him and draped her arm across his chest. As he looked into her eyes, there was no hint that she had slept at all.

Her hand absentmindedly traced around the edge of the spider web on Tony’s chest. Tony gently brought that hand to his lips, kissing each tip of her fingers. Making it look like a sweet gesture. When actually, he was just keeping her from touching his mark. It didn’t feel pleasant if someone who wasn’t his soulmate laid hand on it. It was not for her to touch

“Do you love me?”

Pepper asked out of the blue.

He replied automatically, voice flat, absent of any emotions, “of course, I love you, hon.”

It came out a little too cold, but he didn’t lie. It’s true. He did love her, just not the way she needed.

“As much as you love the other end of this bond?”

She gave him a thin smile. Pulling her hand out of his and skimmed over Tony’s mark again. Tony fell silent. He should have said something to make her feel better, things she would like to hear. But he didn’t want to lie right to her face.

His silence answered it enough though.

“I know you’ll never get over him. I understand. But tell me, Tony. I’ll always be your second choice. I have you here, but not your heart. Am I right?”

“Pep…”

Tony was speechless. He loved her, but… it’s true. He couldn’t deny that he loved his soulmate much more, more than her, more than anything. Pete would always be his number one sweetheart, the one he loved the most.

Tony couldn’t say that out loud. He didn’t want to hurt her. But as he let his silence be an answer, he hurt her anyway. 

*

Not long after that night, as Tony had expected. Pepper broke up with him.

“I’m so sorry…”

That was all he could mutter.

“It’s not your fault,” she smiled, kind and understanding as always.

It was not Tony’s fault that he couldn’t stop loving his soulmate dearly. And also not her fault that she needed to leave, needed to find someone who would love her with all their heart.

A wonderful woman like her deserved better. She shouldn’t have been anyone’s second choice. No one wanted to be anyone’s second choice.

Pepper walked out of his life. Tony felt strangely calm as he watched her go.

He had known this would happen, ever since he told her about his soulmate. He knew that the good times they shared were not going to last.

He limped back into his workshop and slumped on a chair. Without turning on the lights, he let the glowing blue of the arc reactor on his chest comfort him.

Every beat of his broken heart throbbed with the familiar pain. Loneliness slowly crept back to take its old place once again. Tony could do nothing but embraced it as his permanent partner.

***********************************


	9. Failure

Life was an endless circle of chaos.

No matter how hard Tony tried to change himself, he would still be the same man who was prone to make mistakes.

He made another impressive one when he built Ultron.

_“I see a suit of armor around the world.”_

_“Sounds like a cold world, Tony.”_

_“I've seen colder. This one, this very vulnerable blue one. It needs Ultron. Peace in our time. Imagine that.”_

As he thought about his conversation with Bruce, he realized he should have listened to his friend before trying something dangerous. But it’s too late.

They were having a party at the Avengers tower when things went downhill. All of the Avengers were there. Rhodey was invited too, because he had put on a suit and helped Tony in the field for a while as War Machine. Everyone was there to witness his failure.

Good intentions had gone horribly wrong. His grave mistake bit back at him when Ultron attacked them. Tony just wanted to keep the world safe. But instead, he only drove the Avengers further into more battles. Tony fought. They fought with all their strength to protect the world from being destroyed by Tony’s own creation.

They could stop Ultron from making a synthetic vibranium body and used it to their advantage. Leading to the birth of their new member, Vision. And Steve also brought in Wanda and Pietro Maximoff, the super-powered twins. 

Tony and the team followed Ultron to Sokovia, where they had to stop a flying city from falling down and causing a global extinction. Even though they succeeded, this time the victory came with massive destruction, too many civilian casualties. The Wanda girl had lost her brother during the battle too.

And Tony felt like it's all on him again. This wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t created that murder bot. He was so good at adding more sin into an enormous pile on his shoulders. People died because of him. He doubted the ugly and corrupt part he tried so hard to throw away had never left. It remained inside him somewhere, controlling his subconscious. That must be the only suitable reason for all the terrible mess. He couldn't think of another explanation. He thought he made the world a safer place, but all he did was endangering it even more.

*

Tony was weighed down by guilt. When the Sokovia Accords happened to put the Avengers under control, Tony didn't hesitate to be the first who signed it. Because he thought it was the right thing to do. But his friends seemed to think otherwise.

Steve commented that it’s not a good idea to surrender their right to choose, to let politicians having power over them and their missions. Everyone discussed it and had different opinions on the matter. But the situation became worse when the name James Barnes, the Winter Soldier, who was also Steve’s childhood friend got involved and Steve chose to go after him.

Their team split apart. Tony and some of his friends he still had went to an airport in Germany to negotiate with Steve’s team. Trying to convince them to change their minds.

The negotiation quickly failed and turned into a fight. They hurt one another. Friendship was broken. Trust was betrayed. Steve escaped with the Winter Soldier. And Rhodey ended up with severe injury because Tony failed to save him when he was shot and fell from hundreds of feet above the ground.

Tony didn’t have enough time to process how things became this bad. In order to find Steve, he flew to Siberia in his Iron Man suit. And that cold place was where he found out a secret which shattered the small faith he still had in Steve.

“Did you know?”

“I didn't know it was him.”

“Don't bullshit me, Rogers! Did you know?”

Tony’s parents didn’t die in a car crash. James Barnes killed them, crushing his father’s skull and choking his mother to death. Steve had known all along but withheld the truth from him. With blind rage, Tony attacked Barnes to avenge his parents. But Steve teamed up with his childhood friend and fought against him. It was clear whose side the good Captain chose. And that meant Tony and Steve couldn’t be friends anymore.

In the end, Tony was defeated. Steve left his shield behind and helped Barnes get away. Tony didn’t know if the searing pain inside his chest was because Steve smashed the shield into his arc reactor, or it was because he still had the remnants of heart left to break.

*

Once again, Tony found himself at the very beginning, back to the point where he was completely alone. As the price to pay for his mistakes, the Avengers broke apart. His former friends scattered, running in their own way from the grasp of the government.

Tony remained in solitude at the new Avengers facility in upstate New York. Having only his AI, Friday, as company.

***********************************

Tony didn't have a relationship with anyone after Pepper left. Not even a one night stand. Sex with a person who wasn't his soulmate never satisfied him anyway. It only left him hollow. He was sick of those feelings. No more lies. He would never lie to himself ever again.

Tony simply gave up and accepted the fact that he couldn’t be happy. Nothing could fix a man who had lost the other half of his soul. This was his fate. He’s supposed to end up this way, broken, hurt, and all alone.

Tony was falling down at an increasing speed. Things seemed to only get worse. No matter how he tried to do the right things, it always went wrong. His life turned back into a total misery it always meant to be.

Keeping his sanity at bay seemed to be harder and harder as days passed by. He didn’t know when he would lose it, when he would snap. Loneliness and guilt were killing him. He didn’t even know why he still invented in upgrading his suits. Because he no longer felt like he could protect anyone anymore.

*

Tony was quietly working in his lab when Friday called.

“Boss…”

“Hmm?” he answered, but his eyes didn’t leave the hologram in front of him.

“Happy birthday sir.”

He paused and looked at the clock. It’s already midnight.

Tony forgot his own birthday as always, but Friday kindly reminded him.

“Thanks, Fri,” he said softly, before going back to his work.

He tried to dismiss it and focus on fixing the design of leg braces for Rhodey. But he already lost his concentration.

“Anything you want for your birthday?” Friday asked.

“Why? You’ll give me a present?” he snorted.

“I’ll give you one if you tell me what you want.”

“You can’t give me what I want…” Pete’s smiling face appeared in his mind. “It’s nothing money can buy.”

_‘Tony…’_

He flinched, jerking his head around, staring at the empty lab. Someone called his name. Not Friday’s voice. It’s the voice he longed to hear, but no, he wasn’t ready for this right now.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he spotted someone walk past the glass door. Small, lean body… a boy.

Tony shuddered, taking a deep breath, putting his head in his hands, suddenly feeling his panic rise up. He was hallucinating again. Even his mind wouldn’t have mercy on him.

“Boss, are you alright? Did I say something wrong, sir?”

He knew Friday noticed the change of his vital signs.

“No, baby girl. It’s just…” Tony shook his head. He really wanted to cry. “Everything in my life is wrong.”

He bolted to his feet and hurried out of the lab, headed to his car. He needed to get out of here.

***********************************

Tony hated his birthday.

It’s always the worst day of the year, the hardest day to go through. 

Usually, there would be a big party to divert his attention from the agonizing fact that he had lived for so long without his soulmate. But this year, it was only him and him alone. He didn’t want to throw a party or face anyone at all.

Tony went back to his father’s house. The home he lived in when he was just a boy, when the world hadn’t been so painful.

He left all his tech in the car outside, his phone, glasses, and wristwatch. Even ordered Friday not to tell anyone where he was. He didn’t want to be disturbed by voices from the outside world. He needed a moment to break down in complete solitude.

The only reason Tony still kept his father’s house was the remnants of memory it contained. He stepped into his old bedroom and locked himself in there. Nothing had changed as he looked around. His belongings were at the same spot he left them. Except for a thick layer of dust on every surface.

This room was where he and Pete made love for the first time. He missed those times when he was just a young boy who saw nothing further than the joy of the moment.

Tony sat down tiredly on the bed, closed his eyes and dug into all those precious memories. He still remembered the wonderful feelings of Pete’s warm body in his arms. He yearned for one more chance to feel it again. He would trade everything he had for a chance to hold Pete against his chest just for one more second.

He opened his eyes and saw Pete standing in front of him, holding out a hand. But when Tony reached to grasp it, the image dissipated. His mind was playing tricks on him. A silent tear rolled down his cheek. He should have known this dream would never come true.

It’s too much. He’d had enough and couldn’t take it anymore.

Today, Tony turned forty-five. It’d been thirty years since his soulmate died.

Thirty years of agony. He couldn’t believe he had survived this long.

He regretted surviving. He regretted every breath he drew. He could have died many times in the battle. And yet here he was. As if fate still wasn’t satisfied with torturing him.

He didn’t want to live anymore. He was so tired of everything, of making mistakes, of being alone.

Friday asked him what he wanted. Of course, he wanted his soulmate. But if he couldn’t have that, he wanted to be free from all the pain.

Thirty years were too long, too much for a man to bear.

Tonight, all alone on the dusty, cold bed, Tony let himself crumble.

And tomorrow, if fate still refused to let him go, he would find his own way to go.

***********************************

“It’s not my job to chase after the rogue Avengers. It’s yours, Secretary Ross,” Tony said coldly into the phone.

“Stark, you’re the only person capable of finding their hideout. You know them better than us. They are your friends!”

“Thanks to you. They don’t think of me as their friend anymore. After I signed your goddamn accords. Listen, stop bothering me, okay? I’ll never help you catch them. It’s your fucking job, not mine. If you can’t do it, then just go fuck yourself, bye.”

He disconnected the call with a grimace before sinking back heavily into his chair. Tony sat there for a while. Taking several deep breaths to suppress his anger and collect himself. Fucking Ross, the asshole had never stopped trying to get Tony to run after people who left him.

He drove the thoughts out of his head, clearing his mind. He had been mostly calm these days and he liked it. Liked the feelings of having a final determination. It felt good to be in control over his life again. Finally seeing a way out after being trapped for so long. He would not let anything disturb this peace.

It’s only a matter of time.

Tony already had a plan. He was waiting for another villain to show up. There would always be some maniac who wanted to ruin this planet. When he found one, he was going to fight them, and then died with them. Being useful for one last time. It sounded good, right? Yeah… that’s the perfect way to go.

*

Tony walked into his lab and stopped to look at Dum-E.

“Hey buddy, will you miss me when I’m gone?”

He petted the robot like it was a dog.

“Don’t be upset, okay? I’ll tell you the truth. I’m not gonna miss anything around here, not even you.”

Dum-E made a whirring sound like it wanted to protest. Tony ignored it and dropped himself on a chair, putting his legs on the desk. He closed his eyes and let time pass without doing anything.

It’s so out of his character, wasting time like this. He was one of the busiest men. But right now nothing mattered anymore. He had lost the ability to find joy in this life.

Tony abandoned all of his projects, all the works, all the people. He was only looking forward to the day he would leave, for good.

The pain was easier to endure when he knew where it would end. He just had to hold on a little longer for an opportunity to launch his suicide plan.

The Self-Destruction Protocol was ready within his suit, along with the bomb that was set to detonate at his will. He wondered who was going to be the next bad guy. He felt sorry that they wouldn’t have a chance for redemption. But he couldn’t help it. Whoever they were, they had to die with Iron Man. 

“Sir, I found something.”

Friday reported. She was the only one Tony allowed to disturb his peace.

“What is it, my girl?”

“Last night, an unidentified enhanced human reappeared again. I send the drone to follow after him. We already got his location.”

Tony smirked. He had her searching for the sign of any risk or potential harm. And his baby girl always did her job well.

“Show me where I have to go,” he turned to one of his hologram monitors.

The footage lit up on the screen. The unknown person in ridiculous red and blue outfit was crawling up the wall, before sneaking inside the building through a window.

Tony looked at the specific location Friday gave him. He had to go there and check who this weirdo was, and if he was a threat or not.

Hope flared up inside him. Maybe this was the opportunity he had been waiting for. Tony wanted this one to be a threat, a danger that needed to be put down.

“Let’s find out who is hiding under that mask. Friday, prepare my car. I’m going to Queens.”

***********************************


	10. Found

Tony stepped out of his Audi and looked up through the tinted glasses. The apartment building stood tall in front of him. He glanced around. This area looked completely normal, but somehow he felt his heart beat faster and his palms sweaty. He didn’t know where this anticipation came from. Some feelings he couldn’t put a name on it nagged away at the back of his mind.

Didn’t want to waste more time by hesitating, Tony walked inside and headed straight to the elevator, tapping his glasses to contact Friday.

“Fri, how many people live in our targeted residence?”

“Two, sir.”

“What are their names?”

“May Parker and her nephew, Peter Parker.”

She gave him a brief about the two he was going to meet. Tony frowned. They were a widow and… a high school student? Hmm… he wondered if the info was accurate. But Friday had never been wrong.

He walked out of the elevator when it dinged, having a second thought that maybe he should take a moment to think this through before doing anything, at least making some plans or doing a thorough background check. But when he stopped in front of the certain door, his hand automatically reached out and knocked. Closing the other options in the process, he couldn’t back away now.

Tony knew he was being reckless, acting on impulse. He should have learned from past experience that his recklessness only brought catastrophes. Honestly, he needed that, a dangerous and lethal one would be preferable.

*

However, Tony ended up in a cozy living room, and was warmly welcomed by an unusually attractive aunt. Seemingly far, far away from the catastrophic results he craved for.

He was very much confused and at a loss, wanting to ask Friday again if he had stepped into the right place. But he already took off his glasses, and it would be weird to speak with his AI when May Parker was sitting on the same couch and listening attentively to whatever he’s going to say.

So, he went along, making up something about a scholarship her nephew applied for. Hearing that, her face lit up with surprise and excitement.

Just to be polite, Tony sipped the tea and chewed the walnut date loaf that she offered him. He couldn’t even register the taste of them. His mind was spinning. A fake smile plastered on his face when May talked about her nephew, telling him how good the boy was, and that she couldn’t be more proud. But Tony didn’t actually listen to what she said.

He was busy thinking. The enhanced human he’s looking for was clearly a male, which meant it must be the nephew and not the aunt. He had expected a baddie with superpowers that Iron Man could fight with. But it’s obvious now, he didn’t think he would find what he wanted around here. This apartment didn’t even look like it could be a villain lair. And this woman was way too nice to be able to raise a bad guy. His hope deflated and left Tony with only disappointment. He sighed, feeling suddenly drained as it seemed he came all the way for naught.

“Are you okay, Mr. Stark?” May noticed the change in his mood. “Am I boring you? I’m sorry if I talk too much. I’m sure Peter will be here soon,” she said in an apologetic tone.

“Oh… it’s okay. Sorry, it’s not you. I’m just… umm… a bit tired lately.”

He ran a hand over his face, trying to wipe away the sullen look. Where was his charming mask right now? Keeping up appearances in front of people had always been a piece of cake. But after all that had happened, he couldn’t do that anymore.

May refilled Tony’s teacup and urged him to drink, explaining how chamomile tea could make him feel better. He smiled a little more genuine at her kindness.

They continued talking. Tony asked some questions about her nephew just to avoid an awkward silence. He barely acknowledged the sound of door open and close. But when someone spoke up, Tony froze.

“Hey, May.”

“Hey,” May greeted back sweetly, “how was school today?”

“It’s okay. This crazy car parked outside…”

Tony knew that voice. He would recognize it anywhere.

He turned to look at the person who walked into the room, and all his breath left him.

_No..._

_It couldn’t be..._

He abruptly stood up. Teacup fell from his hands. The crash of shattering glass as it hit the floor startled May. But Tony couldn’t take his eyes away from the boy in front of him.

“Pete...”

His beloved soulmate was standing right there. How? What happened? Was he dreaming? Why the dead was gaping at him? Endless questions whirled around in his head. Unconsciously, his legs already walked toward the boy. But Tony suddenly stopped halfway.

This… it couldn’t be anything but an illusion, making up by his broken mind. It’s not true. He stared at the young, angel-like feature and knew it couldn’t be true.

“M… Mr. Stark?”

The boy blinked at him, a mix of awestruck and confused expression on his face. His voice sounded so real, not just a faint echo carried by the wind Tony always heard at night.

Tony held his breath, waiting for the moment to vanish, for the harsh reality dragging him back to the world where he was left with nothing. If this was a dream, he wished he would never wake up again.

His trembling legs wobbled and Tony fell to his knees. Hands reached out desperately. He needed it, needed it so much even though it’s not real.

“Mr. Stark!”

The boy rushed over to catch him. And when he grasped Tony’s hand, the spark of their touch shocked them both.

Tony was shocked that the boy didn’t disappear as hallucinations should. A hand in his felt warm and solid.

_And real._

For the second time in his life, he experienced it again. The wonderful tingly sensation spread all over him. He felt his soulmark pulse with delight, calling and answering for its pair. His withering heart came back to life, beating faster than ever, and filled to the brim with gentle warmth. He felt their bond rebuilding, weaving, connecting.

It’s magical.

In an instant, Tony was whole again.

The boy crouched down and whimpered, cradling his stomach. May jumped to her nephew, frantically asking if he was alright.

“Peter! Hey baby, what’s wrong?”

“I... I don’t know...” he panted, “my skin... it... it’s burning.”

“Okay, okay, let me see.”

May gently coaxed the boy’s hand out of the way and lifted the hem of his shirt up.

Tony already knew what he was going to see. But he still teared up at the sight. A soulmark slowly formed on creamy white skin. The same one on the same spot Tony witnessed thirty years ago. A circle symbol that represented his first arc reactor.

May gasped loudly. She sprang to her feet and took a step back in shock. Her eyes went wide, staring at them with both hands over her mouth.

The boy shakily touched the mark as if he wasn’t sure it’s real. He took a whole minute for everything to sink in. Then he looked up at Tony.

Time seemed to stop when their eyes met. Tony had never seen anything more beautiful than the face of an angel, his angel who was sent from heaven to save him. The twinkle of the million stars in those brown eyes lightened up his entire world. Telling him there would be no place for shadows in his life ever again.

“Hello sweetheart,” Tony smiled through his tears.

“Oh my god!” the boy shrieked adorably. “Oh my god, oh my god, Tony Stark is my soulmate!”

***********************************

_Reincarnation…_

Tony had never believed in something like this. The philosophical concept of the rebirth of a soul sounded more like a children’s bedtime story to him. But it happened, and he had just seen the evidence of it with his own eyes.

For the past four hours, all Tony did was sitting in his lab and staring at Peter Parker's photo album he borrowed from May. Proof that Peter really was born fifteen years ago. There were many photos of the moment when his mother held an infant Peter in her arms for the first time. Tony's heart melted at the sight of the chubby baby, rosy cheeks and all, such a cute little thing.

Every phase of Peter's life was in this album. The time he started to crawl. His first step. His three-year-old birthday little party. Small Peter smiled and laughed on a swing at a playground near his home. Clumsy Peter practiced riding a bicycle. Nervous Peter on the first day he went to school.

And god... it surprised him to see the photos of nine-year-old Peter on a trip with his aunt and uncle to the Stark Expo. Tony was there too. He didn't know the love of his life had come so close at that time.

Tony couldn't tell Pete and Peter apart. Every bit of Peter was similar to the boy in Tony's dearest memory. Those eyes, his smile, the cute stammering. Even their voice sounded exactly the same.

It’s so unbelievable. Tony walked into that apartment looking for the end, only to find the new beginning.

Perhaps fate finally took pity on him. How or why this happened didn’t matter. His soulmate, his one true love came back to him. That was all Tony ever wanted.

“Friday…”

“Yes, sir?”

“I want every video footage of Spider-Man on the internet.”

It only took a second before she showed the list of them on his screen. Tony spent the rest of the night watching Peter swinging around the city, webbing criminals against the wall, stopping a car with his bare hands, saving people.

He laid a hand above his soulmark and smiled. It was incredibly amazing to finally, _finally_ know why his mark had to be a spider web.

***********************************

"Mr. Stark?"

Peter stepped out of his apartment with a backpack on his shoulder. He seemed surprised to see Tony waiting outside.

“Um... what… what are you doing here so early?”

“I wanna give you a ride to school.”

He took the boy’s hand in his and Peter suddenly blushed deep crimson. He followed after Tony like an enchanted puppy.

When they arrived at Tony’s car, Peter exclaimed a big “wow!” as he got in. “This is awesome,” he mumbled excitedly, admiring the sleek design.

Tony watched him with a fond look. He started the car and signaled Peter to fasten up his seat belt. The boy fumbled to do so, he pulled at it too hard and accidentally ripped it off.

“Shit!” Peter stared dumbfounded at the broken seat belt. He slowly turned to look at Tony who was trying his best to stifle his laugh.

“Mr. Stark… I’m… I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright, Pete,” he couldn’t help laughing a bit. “You really have such exceptional strength.”

“I… um… I…” Peter paled, struggled to find an explanation.

“Well, it’s not a surprise, knowing who you are,” Tony gave him a wink.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I know who you are and what you spend your free time doing, Spider-Boy.”

Peter’s jaw dropped. He stared wide-eyed at Tony. Then he sighed and slumped back against his seat.

“I should’ve known that you already figured it out. I stayed up all night thinking about how to tell you.”

“Tell me more. I’m curious to know every detail. And you know what I think is really cool? The webbing. That tensile strength is off the charts. Who manufactured that?”

“I did.”

Tony lifted his brows, “wow, it’s rare to find both beauty and brilliance in one little package. I’m impressed.”

Peter preened at the compliment, a tint of pink on his cheeks. All the way to school, he proudly told Tony about how he created his synthetic webbing and the web-shooters. Tony listened to every word with genuine interest. 

*

Setting up a new schedule. Tony came to Queens every morning to drive Peter to Midtown School. And at the end of the day, he was also there before the bell rang, waiting to pick the boy up and send him back home safely. The other students gawked at his fancy car, but the dark windows prevented them to see who was the driver.

The first time Tony took Peter out to a nice dinner, the boy shyly asked.

“Is this… is this a date?”

“Of course it is, sweetheart.”

He took hold of Peter’s hand across the table and gave it a light squeeze. Peter turned his palm up and squeezed back, making Tony’s heart swell.

Tony knew things were different this time. They were soulmates. But Tony wasn’t a fifteen-year-old anymore. He couldn’t be sure how Peter felt about their age gap. It might make the boy uncomfortable. So he took it slow to get Peter more relaxed around him. Because Peter always looked like he was going to faint whenever Tony did or said something sweet.

May still eyed him warily. He couldn’t blame her though. He had done so many bad things during the playboy period of his life. That kind of reputation, it couldn’t be erased. Her concern for Peter only made him respect her even more. She had protected and taken care of Peter all by herself. Tony owed her forever for that.

May refused when he suggested they should move to his place. Their apartment was nice and comfy, but they could have more space for Peter at the Avengers compound. He offered to buy a house for them if the compound wasn’t up to her standard. But she didn’t think that was a good idea. This had been the way they’d lived all along. May didn’t like things to change so suddenly and completely. And Tony respected what she wanted. 

That's why he appeared in front of their door today with a big suitcase by his side. The latest version of his Iron Man armor stood still behind him.

“I understand you don’t want to move out, so... I move in.”

He told them casually. May was a little taken aback. But Peter smiled wide and happily invited him inside. He grabbed Tony’s suitcase, held the door open for Tony and his armor suit that followed after him.

“But… Mr. Stark, we don’t have a guest room for you,” May hesitantly said.

“Oh, that’s not a problem. I can share a room with Peter.”

“You okay with that?” May asked her nephew.

“Yes!”

The boy clicked his mouth shut when he realized he sounded too eager. May gave him a knowing look, making him turn red.

“Um… Mr. Stark, please wait a moment. I… I need to tidy up my room a bit.”

Peter ran into his bedroom and closed the door behind him. Leaving the two adults to exchange amused smiles. They both sat down on the couch.

“You’re being serious about moving in?” May asked.

“Yes, I want to be close to Peter. But only if you’re okay with me living here. You can say no. Actually, I’d expected you to kick me out immediately.”

“Oh, I won’t do that, don’t worry. You can stay.”

They both looked up when loud sounds came from Peter’s room, like something fell and was scattered over the floor. May stood up and walked to the boy’s door.

“Peter, is everything alright?”

“Yeah…!” his voice was a little high-pitched. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen when you tell me to keep my room clean.” Then a groan, “where are the spare blankets? I can’t find them.”

“In your bottom drawer,” she told him through the closed door, rolling her eyes as she came back to the couch. “You sure you’re ready to handle that? It’s not easy to raise a teenager.” May gestured toward the room.

“I’m in for all of it,” Tony chuckled. “So, you allow me to stay because I’m Peter’s soulmate?”

“That’s one reason. Well, I’m gonna tell you something,” she sat down again, crossing her legs, and then looking at him with a small smile. “I have this nice friend at work. She’s the lucky one who has a soulmate. They got married last year and have been such a lovely couple. Whenever I see her with her husband I feel… like it’s surreal that people could love each other that much. She is the happiest woman I’ve ever known. That’s another reason. If Peter has a chance to be happy like her, I want him to have it. You know… after all that he has been through. I just want him to be happy,” May said, her eyes turned sad.

Tony understood what she meant. It’s the only thing that felt wrong about Peter, that he had lost so much at such a young age. And Tony knew better than anyone how deep the pain of losing the loved ones could cut through a heart.

“You can rest assured. From now on, I’ll take care of him. I’ll do my best to make Peter happy.”

May nodded, “I trust you. And knowing that boy. I’m sure you’ll make him more than happy, Mr. Stark,” she smiled at him.

Tony hoped she’s right about that. He didn’t even know if he could mend anyone’s heart, because his own was still covered in scars. But for Peter, for his soulmate, Tony was willing to do anything.

***********************************


	11. Feel

It’s late into the night and May already went to bed. Tony had just finished settling in. He took a shower, brushed his teeth, put on a well-worn T-shirt and a pair of pajama pants. He bumped against the wall a lot in the tiny bathroom. It would take some time to get used to this small space. But it didn’t bother him. He felt at ease to be here, to be near his baby boy.

Tony walked back to Peter’s room. He stopped at the door. Peter was examining Tony’s iron suit. It stood still in the corner of the room like a guardian. Tony crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe, smirking as he watched Peter curiously touching his armor. The boy’s hand caressed its face, then slid down to the chest and lower. He kept going lower until he was naughtily groping its crotch.

Tony chose this moment to tap his wristwatch and activate the suit. The eyes suddenly lighted up as it woke, startling Peter.

“Eeek!!” Peter squeaked, backing away in shock.

Tony laughed out loud. The boy flinched again, turning to him with a face as red as a tomato.

“Mr. Stark! I didn’t do anything!”

“Yeah, yeah, you didn’t, and I didn’t see you harassing my suit either,” he said, still laughing. “Relax, baby, you can touch anywhere you want. I’m sure it wouldn’t mind.” 

Tony stepped into the room and dropped himself casually on Peter’s small bed. Peter stood awkwardly, looking at Tony and then around the room, face still bright red. He nervously chewed on his lips and fidgeted with his hands as if he didn’t know what to do.

“Do I make you uncomfortable, Pete?” Tony gave him an apologetic smile. Maybe he had pushed too much.

“No, no, I just…” Peter shook his head.

“Don’t worry, baby. I understand. I can sleep on the couch outside.”

Tony got up and headed for the door. But Peter jumped in front of him, blocking the way.

“Please, please stay. It’s okay. I don’t feel uncomfortable at all. I just…” the boy suddenly hugged Tony, both arms held tight around him. He buried his face into Tony’s chest. “It’s just so hard to believe this is not a dream. That you really are my soulmate. God… you’re my idol, my hero. I’ve been crazy about you ever since I can remember.”

Tony held him back and gently ran a hand through Peter’s soft hair.

“I’m not a dream, sweetheart. I’m real and I’m yours.”

Peter looked up at him, smiling, “still feels like a dream comes true for me. Can I… can I see your mark again?”

Tony took a step back to take off his T-shirt and dropped it on the floor. Even though Tony already showed them to him once on the day they met, Peter’s eyes still widened in amazement when he saw both Tony’s arc reactor and soulmark up close. He carefully touched the reactor first. Tony liked the way the blue light of his reactor reflected in those brown eyes.

When Peter laid his fingertips on the spider web mark, Tony sucked in a deep breath. A touch of soulmates was overwhelming. He missed this feeling so much. But before he could revel in it, Peter abruptly pulled his hand away.

“Does it hurt?”

“No,” he smiled, “it feels really good, baby.”

He showed him how good by sneaking his hand under Peter’s shirt, rubbing at the mark there. Peter gasped, legs turned into jelly and lost the ability to stand. He clung onto Tony to keep himself up. Tony guided him back to bed. He sat down and had Peter sit on his lap.

“Is it always feels this good?” the boy asked.

“Yes, but just when I touch it. Our marks are only for you and me. If it’s other people, you’ll feel like they stick a finger in your nose.”

“Eww,” Peter made a face at that.

Tony chuckled, “sorry to ruin the mood, but that’s what it felt like for me.”

He brushed a strand of hair out of Peter’s face. The boy smiled, staring at Tony with his dreamy eyes.

“It’s unbelievable. How did I get so lucky to have you as my soulmate?” Peter reached up to touch Tony’s cheek and grazed his fingers along the beard on his jaw. “Will you stay with me?”

“I will.”

“Like… forever?”

“I’m not going anywhere without you, sweetheart. There’s nowhere I would rather be than right here with my other half.”

Tony grabbed Peter’s hand and placed a gentle kiss on his palm, making the boy’s breath hitch. Peter stared longingly at Tony’s lips. Tony smiled. He knew what his baby was thinking. But Peter was still too shy to initiate it. So Tony encouraged him with a soft whisper.

“Kiss me.”

Peter hesitated for a moment. Then he squeezed his eyes shut and quickly pecked Tony on the lips. Tony couldn’t help grinning wide, because that was so cute. It’s obvious Peter had never kissed anyone before. Tony felt like his heart was going to burst with so much love for this baby boy.

He gently cupped Peter’s face between his hands and brought their lips together properly.

It’s Peter’s first kiss.

_It’s their second chance._

*

They lay in Peter’s tiny mattress, still fully awake in the deep of the night. Snuggling up together because that was the only way they could fit into this small bed. Tony breathed in the fruity smell of Peter’s shampoo as his nose buried in the boy’s messy curls.

The long-forgotten feeling, which he thought he didn’t know what it felt like anymore, was flowing inside him, so tender and so warm.

This was it. This was happiness.

Tony caressed the body in his arms, softly ran a hand up and down Peter’s back to lull him to sleep. He noticed the difference here and there. In Tony’s memory, Pete was like a petal, lovely and soft, delicate and fragile. But Peter, his loveliness came with incredible strength. He could feel the firm and toned muscles underneath the smooth skin. Peter was much stronger than he used to be in his previous life. He was capable of defending himself. He could fight if someone wanted to harm him. This time, fate did the right thing for once. The beautiful thing like Peter shouldn’t walk around this cruel world defenseless.

“Mr. Stark…?”

“Tony, baby, call me Tony.”

“Tony…” Peter wiggled out of Tony’s arms a little to look at him. “Tony, why are you crying?”

“Oh… it’s… it’s nothing,” he didn’t know he was crying. He blinked and suddenly felt the wetness run down his cheeks.

Peter frowned, trying to wipe the tears away with his thumb. He looked like he was going to cry too. Tony opened his mouth to say ‘hey, it’s okay, I’m fine, really’, but the lie was stuck within his throat. He shouldn’t lie to his soulmate, and he didn’t have to hide anything inside anymore. Tony held Peter tight, let all the tears fall onto the boy’s shoulder, let the truth come out.

“I miss you, baby. I miss you so much. Every single day I had to live without you, it hurt me and it broke me.”

“But… but I’m here. And… and since the day we met, you’ve come to see me every day.” Peter said, confused.

“It’s been thirty years for me.”

“Thirty… years? I don’t understand… Tony, what do you mean?”

Peter deserved to know the truth. He deserved to know how much Tony loved him, how long he had waited for him. Tony told Peter everything, all about their tragic history, all that happened thirty years ago.

***********************************

In the morning, May walked into their room to wake them up. Actually, Tony hadn’t slept all night. He indulged in admiring the look of sweet innocence on Peter’s face. His baby angel was so adorable in his sleep, Tony couldn’t take his eyes off him.

The boy yawned sleepily. His cheek still pressed against Tony’s bare chest. May gave them a knowing smile before sauntered out. Tony wondered what she was thinking.

Peter still didn’t move. He just mumbled “five minutes…” before falling right back to slumber.

And Tony, who already had a massive soft spot for his baby, let him sleep in as much as he wanted. Until May shouted from the outside that Peter was going to be late for school, which was when the boy reluctantly left the warmth of Tony’s arms and got out of bed.

At the dining table, May sat down beside her nephew, smiling strangely while looking between Tony and Peter. Peter stopped diving into his cereal as he noticed.

“What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?” Peter asked his aunt, frowning.

“So… how was it?” she nudged him, still having that weird grin on her face.

“How was what?”

“Well, I get it if you don’t want to share the story. But I’m curious. Is he…” she gestured at Tony, “you know, like the rumors say, is he really that big down there?”

Tony choked on his black coffee. Peter stared at his aunt with a horrifying look, mouth agape.

“May! We didn’t do anything!”

She gasped, “really? You spent a whole night on the same bed with the great Tony Stark without doing anything? Isn’t he the man you’ve been crazy about? I thought you would jump him the second I turned my back.”

“MAY!!!” Peter screamed.

In the next moment, a very red Peter was dragging Tony out of their apartment while Tony still couldn’t stop laughing.

“Why didn’t you jump me, baby? I feel offended now,” Tony teased.

The boy glared at him. He looked like he was about to cry from embarrassment. Tony wanted to comfort him, but it’s hard to not laugh at that hurt puppy face.

God… it was only the first night here and Tony already loved this family so much.

*

Tony drove to Peter’s school as usual, still smiling all the way. He couldn’t remember the last time he laughed this much. It’d been so long since he had such a pleasant morning. And he felt like he would be in this good mood all day. May was the best aunt ever, so understanding and supportive. More than that, she adored soulmates and didn’t see their relationship as problematic, but as a blessing. Tony couldn’t be more grateful.

They arrived at Midtown school and exchanged one sweet, loving kiss before Peter had to get out of the car. But Peter paused, hand lay still over the door handle. He turned to Tony and hesitantly asked.

“Um… about last night… you said that thirty years ago I… I died. But how? You didn’t tell me how.”

Oh… so that’s why the boy had been strangely quiet since they were out of their apartment building. He didn’t just sulk because Tony teased him as Tony had thought, but thinking about what Tony told him last night.

“It doesn’t matter, sweetheart,” Tony reached out and gently ruffled the boy’s head. He wanted Peter to know their story, but didn’t want him to keep pondering. “Please don’t think about it, okay? Now you’re alive and well. That’s all that matters.”

The boy obediently nodded and stepped out of the car.

Tony watched him jog to join the crowd of students, backpack bounced against his side. He would never reveal that terrifying part to Peter. Details about his death weren’t something the boy should have known.

***********************************

Later at the Stark Industries head office, Tony was in the middle of an important meeting, discussing a million dollars project with investors from several countries, when the feelings he never thought he would experience again hit him. It began with terror, gripping at his heart out of nowhere with its cold fingers. He stopped his speaking mid-sentence. Everyone in the room was looking at him.

“Mr. Stark, are you alright?”

He heard someone ask, but it sounded so far away. He couldn’t respond while a train of emotions ran over him. A series of shock, fear, dread, panic, hit him one after another. And importantly, all of them were not his own.

Tony’s hands shook as he scrambled out of his chair. He didn’t waste a single second to explain. Just called for the Iron Man suit he kept in his office in case of emergency. In a blink of an eye, he flew away, leaving the window glass open and a bunch of confused business partners behind.

“Friday, locate Peter.”

“He’s at school, sir.”

Tony headed back to Midtown as fast as he could. His heart raced with worries. What happened to Peter? He told Friday to call the boy. The line rang twice before it got disconnected. Tony feared the worst. The last time his soulmate’s feelings accidentally slipped through their bond, Tony lost him. And the thought that he might lose his sweetheart frightened Tony to the core. He couldn’t bear it, not again.

He touched down in front of the school building and ran inside. Ignoring people who gasped and jumped out of his way. He focused on the red dot on the map Friday showed him. It gave the location of Peter’s phone and Tony hoped the boy was there too.

The tracker led him to one of the male restrooms on the third floor. He barged in and found a boy staring at a stall with a worried look. Tony remembered this boy from those photos Peter used to show him.

“You’re Ned. Where is Peter?”

Ned’s mouth dropped open at the sight of Iron Man. He shakily pointed at a closed door in front of him.

“Pete! Are you alright?” Tony shouted and knocked. He was about to break the door when Peter unlocked it. His baby stumbled out and fell into his arms.

“What happened, Peter? Are you hurt?”

Tony retracted his helmet. He cradled the boy, trying to look for any injury. Peter was shaking all over, eyes red and wet with tears.

“I’m… o… okay.” Peter sobbed out a reply.

“You’re not okay. You can barely stand on your own.” Tony held him against his chest. A tremor wracked Peter’s body so bad he would fell on the floor if Tony didn’t help supporting his weight. “What happened, sweetheart? Who hurt you? I’ll kill them.”

He hissed out the last sentence with all intentions to do so. Ned heard it and flinched. The poor boy stepped back in fear when Tony turned to him.

“You know anything?”

“No sir!” he quickly shook his head. “Peter was reading something on his laptop. Then he ran out and locked himself in there. I… I don’t know what happened.”

“I want to go home,” Peter looked up at Tony, “please…”

“Okay, okay.”

He scooped Peter up into his arms and strode out. Students in the hallway were all staring at them with bewildered and confused expressions as to why Iron Man was hurriedly carrying a boy to an exit. Peter threw his arms around Tony’s neck and hid his face on his shoulder. Tony held him protectively, understood that the boy didn’t want anyone to see his tears.

*

It took an hour for the crying and shaking to subside. Peter clutched onto Tony the whole time as they sat on the couch in their living room. Tony comforted him, kissing his head and rubbing his back to calm him down. Peter sniffed. His tears made a big wet spot on Tony’s shirt.

“Why didn’t you answer my call, baby? I was scared you might get hurt.”

“I was about to, but my hands shook and I dropped it,” Peter pulled his cracked phone out of his pocket. “It’s not working anymore.”

“It’s okay. I’ll get you a new one.”

The boy looked up at him. His red-rimmed eyes made Tony’s heart ache.

“I’m sorry...” Peter said.

“Hmm? For what?”

“I didn’t listen to you. I… I wanted to know what happened to me back then. So I did some research and found the old news. I read it, everything about the murder case. It… it’s horrible.”

Peter’s tears fell down again. Tony sighed. He should have seen this coming. His boy was a curious little creature and would not just let the topic go. But he didn’t have the heart to scold Peter, only pulled him into a hug and tightened his arms around the smaller body.

“I understand now why you don’t want me to know,” Peter sobbed, “that… that was a… a horrible way to go.”

“Shhh… it’s all in the past, baby. Three decades ago, a long-forgotten memory,” though he said that, Tony knew he never forgot. He himself still remembered everything. “No one can hurt you now. I’ll protect you, sweetheart. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

_Not again, not ever again._

He tried to console Peter, but Tony reassured himself as well with those promises.

***********************************


End file.
